Heed the advice given by my blog name...

19 March 2006 - 1:46 AM

...because obviously, your life could all come crashing down at once.

Today was probably the riskiest day of my life.

It started out rather slow, with me being up for a bit and eventually falling asleep in the middle of the day. When I woke, I helped my dad unload the car and then took my mom to work, since I didn't know whether or not I'd need the car for the night.

Around 6:00, Mike and I finally decided to go to SkyMania... SkyMania, which, if you enjoy testing your physical limits, happens to be the most dangerous place to go. Even though I didn't land hard on my head like I did last week, my ear still gave me a little bit of shit. After doing consecutive backflips from one side of the court to the other, I started hearing an odd, hollow sound in my left ear (the bad one). When I put my pinky into that ear and then plugged my nose and blew out through it, the sound went away... but, I was also able to pull my pinky out with a puss/blood solution of liquid on it. It's definitely not good that that happens. At about the same time as the people I was with and I had to leave, someone seemingly broke his leg. I didn't see what happened, but Mike said that when the guy came off the wall and bounced, something cracked, and then he fell screaming onto the crash pad. The trampolines were cleared and emergency response was contacted. I'm just lucky - and grateful - that it wasn't me in that screaming, helpless position...

After we left, we did the usual by stopping at 7-11 and getting a couple of snacks. We left there and made our way toward Mitch's supposed kickback. On the way, I decided that I was fed up with catching every red light possible everytime I drove, so I tried to keep up with the lights and make it through them. Along the way, I almost got in an accident. You see, I was in the right lane (bad choice) and two cars ahead of me, a car was slowing down to turn. Even though I knew it was illegal, I was going to change lanes in an intersection and get in front of the ambulance in the lane to the left. Well, it would've turned out great if the car between me and the car that was turning wouldn't have been a huge douchebag and tried to swerve without warning. She almost caused an accident (key word: She). I also said 'fuck you' to a yellow light and sped up. Ultimately, I ended up speeding through a red light. Anyway, we were on our way to what was only supposed to be a kickback...

Intended to start at about 9:00, we got there at about 9:10 as the first to show up. 'We', by the way, means me, Mike, Davey, Jordan, and Harrison. Soon, a few more showed up, but the main point to focus on is that we were all guys. Can you imagine about ten guys just sitting around, drinking, waiting for others to show up? Yeah, that's why I left as soon as I could and went to my house to pick some stuff up. Even though my dad and his friend were downstairs, I still managed to sneak two bottles of mixers, four shot glasses, and a margarita shaker past them. When I got back, the guys' hormones had kicked in, especially since they had finished an entire bottle of flavored vodka by the time I got back. At the first sign of the word 'woman' or anything relating to it, every single person jumped up. Guys were even dancing with guys, they were so horny. I thought it pretty gross.

I had a few drinks, but not enough to physically impair me. Soon, I was asked to pick up some people and bring them to the party. I accepted, and picked them up over by the high school. When we got back, I ended up playing bartender and DJ for the entire night. Finally, I decided to find Mitch, who had been missing for at least an hour. I found him in the backyard with Sarah, just kinda hanging out. He was wasted, and had been since two or three hours earlier. He asked me to try to get people out of the house, and claim it was my house.

...This is where I almost die - lots of times...

I did the best I could. I walked in and yelled, telling people the party was over... to no avail... Then, I walked over to the stereo, turned it down to minimum volume, unplugged the source wire from the computer to the stereo, and told everybody to leave because the party was over. Everybody kept giving me shit, telling me to put the music back on, but I tried to hold my ground. After about 10-15 minutes of back-and-forth nothingness, people finally got the message and started to leave. I suggested a park where people could hang out and party, but I doubt anybody paid attention to me. The last girl was walking out the door and said something to the effect of, "Where's the owner of the house, anyway?" I replied, "I am speaking on behalf of the owner. I'm sorry, but he said to get people out." I turned around and went to talk to Mitch and Sarah in the back... The girl turned around, thinking that I was taking a tone with her - I guess the word 'behalf' threw her off. Some big guy came with her, rhetorically asking if I was talking back to her. I tried to explain myself, but he wouldn't listen. He walked out front, and I guess he must've told his story to his friends

~Remember that at least one of the people at this party was carrying a loaded weapon... I knew for a fact that one 'man' was carrying a 9mm~

I eventually went out front to help get some people home, only to find a minimum of ten people getting in my face, thinking that I was trying to start shit. I'd never been so worried in my life that I was about to get mauled to death (as if I wouldn't love to be killed - to have all my worries extinguished by the explosion of gunpowder and lead...). Luckily, the friends of the disputants held them back, and cleared up the stories between me and them. We shook hands and most people went on their way. I tried once again to offer my assistance to a girl to take her car home, but she refused to permit anybody to drive her car, even though I would've been driving it and Mike would've been driving my car behind me. So, finally, I went inside and got Sarah and took her home. I hope everybody that was at the party ended up somewhere safe.

Well, that's about it, ladies and gentlemen. Tune in next week, when I actually do get shot.

Take it easy, but strike hard.
Vaniah Schwenoha