Guilt

2009-01-16

6:06 PM

So, I'm back in Los Angeles for spring semester. It's good to be back, but some differences between here and home get me thinking...

The biggest thing is that I'm alone again, relationship-wise. Cathy and I talked the night before I left, and I told her that I didn't think a long-distance relationship would work out all that well between us. For the most part, that's the truth. After seeing how close Andrea and I got to each other spiritually (might not be the right word to describe it) and how quickly 'we' fell apart and she moved on, I am again a semi skeptic of the long-distance relationship.

Anyway, I told her that, and, after a short silence, she said that she agreed. Except, I could almost tell that she didn't want to say that. It was more of a "if you're happy, I'm happy" kind of agreeance. She seemed okay about it, at the time. But, reading her blog, I see that she feels somewhat betrayed, because it seemed like we might end up in a relationship, but we didn't. I wish she didn't feel that way, because I didn't mean for it to be like that. If I didn't have to be back here, I'd still be with her. It's just that - as I said before - I don't know what to expect from a long distance relationship anymore.

That's it for now...
Vaniah Schwenoha

My New Year's Resolution

2009-01-02

6:00 AM

...Is to settle.

It may not sound like a lot, and it may not be one of those words that you'd normally associate with good, but for me, it will be. You see, I've grown into this person I am today, and I'm starting not to like him.

I used to be all about love. I mean, entirely. I was so content back then, with hope in my eyes and love in my heart. Sex didn't matter to me. What mattered was that the girl I was with could make me happy - that she and I could enjoy each other's company, in any setting. As I reflect on the past year, I can't help but wonder... When did that boy die?

You know, I've been afraid to write about this for the longest time, for fear that the wrong person would read it and I would build a bad reputation for myself. I think it's time, though, that I open up some. I can't help myself unless I confront my imperfections, right?

This summer, I played a lot of people. I'm not sure how it really happened, or what about my immoral self appealed to them, but by the time I had moved back to LA in the fall, I had hooked up with five different girls. Christ, I even lost my virginity to one, not two days after hooking up with another girl.

One was a hookup, plain and simple. We wouldn't have hooked up if she had thought otherwise. The next, unplanned, with someone I had invited to a party as a friend. After her, a 'favor' I was doing for a friend, who had asked me to hook up with his ex so she would stop bothering him. Then, a hookup with an old friend, which seemed to her to be the beginning of a relationship, which I sincerely regret letting her believe.

Finally, the one that got away. The one from those posts just a few months back. Our 'relationship,' if that's what you would call it, was a backwards one. A kiss, just a few days after meeting each other, followed by a few weeks of deep conversations and only hand-holding. Soon, it was less than that, and now, even less. She revived that boy within me, for a moment. Soon, though, he was hidden again, behind a shroud of emotion and a regret for opening his big mouth. I was desperate. All I wanted to do was find a way to forget her, to keep my mind off her. Suddenly, I was downstream again... Fell back into that summer mentality. Too hurt by my desire for love, I regressed into a lackluster desire for lust. Once again, I blinded myself into thinking it was okay to flirt with multiple girls all at once.

My resolution is to find that boy again, and not lose him this time. No more random hookups. No more "keeping my options open." No more games.

I want to love again. Help me, please.

Happy New Year,
Vaniah Juniper Schwenoha

Hello there!

2008-12-16

12:32 AM

Okay, so.... I'm back. Sorry for the series of super depressing entries. I just had a run-in with some old habits and emotions. You see, I have this really bad quality about me, and it's that when I get to like someone, I fall for them pretty hard. Sure, I guess you can say a lot of people do that, but the thing is that I'm always stupid enough to express it fully, and that's what scares people. I've watched myself do it a few times, and every time, I tell myself I've learned not to do it, and I tell myself that I've learned more about what doesn't work... But I always find myself back in the same position. It's my downfall, I suppose. However, I am trying to work on it. I guess the best I can do for now is to say that, and to remind myself of it whenever I need to think before speaking... Or acting...

Anywayy... The semester is ending, and I can't believe it's already been this long. I mean, really... I've only written three times this semester. Why can't I find time to write in here anymore?

Regardless of the whole ordeal with Andrea, it's been a spectacular semester! The fraternity has progressed.. We've gained more intelligent, respectable men, who have learned from us, and who have taught us as well. I've bonded more with my friends from last year, especially living with some and coordinating events with others. And most importantly, I've managed fair grades this semester, which is all my mom ever asks of me, so I'm glad to have done that =)

Well, like I said.. The semester is ending, but it's not quite over yet. Maybe I should get back to studying for my last exam, which starts at 8:00am =x

See you soon ;-D
Vaniah Schwenoha

*sigh*

2008-11-08

2:48 PM

*Note: This was actually written on October 6th. Figured I might as well just publish it for any of you who actually read this.

I thought I knew her... Turns out I just knew a lot about her. Not enough, though.

Feelings, emotions, connections erased, it seems... just as quickly as they were written.

She did warn me, I'll give her that.

That's why I don't want to be angry at her.

I'm more angry at myself, really.

Said too much... Pushed too much... Trusted too much.

Fuck the distance, for sure...

'til next time, I suppose... Next time I meet an incredible girl.. Next time I just 'click' with someone..

And as for her... Maybe we'll have a next time. I can't expect it soon, though. She's too scared, and deservedly so. I crossed a line. I crossed it far too soon and without enough warning. And just like that, things turned around 180º. One night, we're talking, joking, laughing, holding hands.. The next, she's reluctant to see me, to call me, to talk to me. Funny, how that works. Somehow, I took a mutual attraction between her and I, and by simply addressing that attraction, I derailed the entire thing.

"That would be fucked up of me, if you just told me that and I said I didn't want to talk to you anymore."

Well, good thing you didn't say it, right?

Back to an old closing...

Actions speak louder than words...

Vaniah Juniper Schwenoha

P.S. ~ If you read this, Andrea, please forgive me. I forgive you. I just... wish you would talk to me, that's all...

Because I can't directly say it to you, for fear you may push me away...

1 October 2008

1:53 AM

I can give you space...
I can give you time...
Just don't ask me to give you up...

Emotion

16 September 2008

11:45 PM

It would be tough to describe my emotional state right now. I'm experiencing so much, all at once. Happiness... Grief... Stress... Relief... Love...

Assuming I actually take the time to write out everything running through my mind right now, this entry may touch upon all of those, so please, bear with me.

Last time I wrote was at the end of spring break.. Oh man.. How things have changed since then...

Mmm... Summer was great. I got some work done by taking Calc III during second session. Because my summer school session was the same as Niki's, and because our classes were at the same time, He and I started going to the gym regularly, and I actually started to build muscle, which never really happened when I used to go to the gym a few years ago. I hung out with my friends quite a bit, which was great. I missed spending time with them =)

At the end of July, I was at a friend's house partying and I met a girl. Sounds typical enough, right? Surprisingly though, even to me, this was a unique experience. She walked in with a couple of her friends, and I was on the other side of the house when she did. I immediately noticed her, but did not immediately take any action. Throughout the night, I would introduce myself to her, ask her to do me a small favor or two (like handing me a couple beers from the fridge), and tease her. Then, something happened. I'm not sure how, but we started talking - first about small stuff, as most people do at parties. But then our conversation got much deeper. We talked about life goals and our pasts and our passions. We talked for about an hour or an hour and a half. The conversation went on endlessly, and from that point on, I was hooked. Never had I connected with anyone in such a way. It was amazing. At the end of the night, we said goodbye, and I asked for her phone number, and once I got home the next day, I found her on MySpace.

Once I started talking to her on MySpace, on AIM after, and eventually over the phone (which I love doing, btw), I started wondering when the time would come when we would run out of things to talk about and things would get awkward between us. But then, an entire week went by, then two... And now it's been over a month and a half, and conversation is as pleasant as ever =)
I mean, yeah, there are points where we're silent on the phone, but it's never been awkward. It's comforting, actually, to just sit silently, knowing she's on the other end of the line...
=D
Mm... Because of the short amount of time we had to spend with each other before I left (and some other minor factors) we decided when I moved that we should remain friends for now. I still talk to her every day, though. It makes me really happy =)

Moving off of that.. I'm back in Los Angeles now, and school has started. We're already in the fourth week, which is awesome because things are going so fast, and vacation will be here in no time =)
I'm only taking four classes this semester since I took Calculus over the summer, which takes a load off of me. The workload is starting to get heavier this week, though, which sucks. Oh well. I'll manage with it. Fraternity things are going well this semester, and I'm excited about that. Can't give out many details, but I just wanted to mention it, heh.

I found out that Chris Conzen died today. It was really shocking to hear about. The more I think about it, the more I realize he affected so many people, including me. When I think back, I can honestly say that he was a major influence in terms of where I am today. He taught me a ton about computers. He was there the first time I took one apart, and explained how to properly put it back together. He got me more interested into my entire field of study. That's crazy...

*sigh* ... I really wanted to write more in here, about everything, but I can't take the time tonight to do it. Umm... If I don't write again soon, feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you'd like me to write more about.

Rest in peace, Conzen.
Vaniah Schwenoha

Busy

17 April 2008

11:12 PM

Sorry about not updating in awhile. I still don't know if I want to update right now. For now, please take pleasure in reading this other blog. It's very deep writing, so be prepared.

http://tlfdblog.blogspot.com/

Have fun
Vaniah Schwenoha

Forget injuries. Never forget kindnesses.

25 March 2008

3:17 AM

Confucius. Wise man, imo.

Spring break was good. I was only in Vegas for four days, really, but I did so much.

• I saw a free preview of a movie. Something I don't get to do so much out here.
• I went to SkyMania. Also something nonexistant in LA.
• I went to Sonic Drive-In. Closest to my apartment here is in Anaheim, 25 miles away.
• I went to Wal*Mart. Never been to one out here because I don't have a car.
• I setup remote access to all of the desktops in my house. Now troubleshooting with my dad should be much easier from 275 miles away.
• I hung out with a friend from high school who I had previously never even really talked to outside of class.

but most importantly, I brought some people together who I doubt would not have come together without third-party influence. Particularly, I got Niki to hang out with everybody else. For those who don't know, Niki hasn't hung out with Chris, Dallas, and the rest of the group in months. It may be quite a bit egotistical, but I think that he wouldn't have hung out with them had it not been for Ron's trip to Cali, which brought Niki into interaction with Alexa, and other plans in Vegas to hang out. I really hope he starts to hang out with them more often. I don't think our connections within that circle of friends were meant to get lost as we transitioned from high school to college.

I'm not sure how much I'm worth in this world, but I do believe that any one person can make a beneficial change in peoples' lives.

Sleep well.
Vaniah Schwenoha

Cynthia

24 February 2008

12:58 AM

That was her name - Cynthia...

Brittney Rufkahr's mom passed away last night. Almost eerie how I just wrote about her in my last entry... About how many of us can not - will not - feel her pain. We will all die, though. The only thing to worry about then is how the ones you leave behind will deal with it. I hope, I pray that Brittney will be able to make it through such a hard time. If she makes it through this, she will be stronger than she has ever been. She's already stronger than me, that's for sure. I haven't had to deal with my parents separating. I haven't had to live with an extremely close family member who has suffered day in and day out as a cancer victim. I haven't had to put my life on hold for anything, ever. She has. She has and she's still accomplished so much. She went through it and she still graduated high school in a white robe. She kept up in school and even managed to get jobs - to integrate herself into the real world. She's taken this semester off in college and she still has the heart to ask me how mine is working out. It's amazing, the hands some people are dealt in life. And it's even more amazing how those people can take what they've been dealt and run with it.

That's all I have to talk about right now.

I wish you all the strength in the world, Brittney.
Rest in peace, Cynthia. You're free now.

Skip

18 February 2008

1:47 AM

Every once in awhile, I feel like writing about something important to me, but then I think that I need to catch my blog up on the past month or two before I can actually write about what I want to write about. Having thought about it just now, I realize that I should be writing what I feel when I feel it, regardless of having to 'catch up' on the other shit and trying to write about what I don't necessarily want to write about. So I've decided not to obligate myself to write about that stuff. If at some point I have some extra time and want to write about it, then I will, but other than that, you can just ask me about the two months missing from this blog. Let's do a brief summary just to give you an idea of what you might want to ask about if you're interested...

Winter break was awesome! It was great to be back home for those three weeks.

I rushed and am currently pledging for Sigma Alpha Mu fraternity.

Classes have been going great so far this semester.

My social life is fucking thriving right now. I love it.

Alright. That sounds like enough. Moving on... The rest of this entry might seem kinda random. I might talk about a variety of things. Some may be depressing, some may be uplifting. Just depends on how much I feel like writing, I guess. Here goes...

Michael Mausbach died shortly after the new year. It's sad to think about, really. I mean, it hasn't been more than nine months since my graduating class walked out of the Orleans Arena, heads held high, smiles on every face. Less than nine months and two of those smiling, hopeful faces lie in the ground. It's sad. It's really sad. And a friend in one of my classes had a friend who was shot and killed in the recent NIU shooting. It's a fucked up world, I'll tell ya...

I was driven to write tonight while MySpacing, actually. I was looking at Brittney Rufkahr's pictures and came across one of her and her mom. I think I remember hearing about the first time her mom was diagnosed with cancer. I heard about it when I was a junior. In a way, it has and hasn't been all that long since then. Looking at pictures of her, though, you'd think she'd been to Hell and back over the years, and you'd think she's been fighting her battle for an eternity. It just makes me think about how much I don't know about life. And this goes both ways. I don't know how much beauty there is in the world. I don't know what I've missed out on seeing by having lived in Las Vegas through the first eighteen years of my life. But I also don't know pain. Real pain. It's not something I would wish upon myself or any other individual, but really, can you imagine the kind of pain a cancer victim has to go through? How can you possibly know without being a victim yourself? How can you know the pain that comes with a heart attack, a severed limb, a collapsed lung? They're things some of us in the world will experience, though some of us never will. Some of us will never know. Is it too awkward to say I want to know? I suppose it is.

Don't like, call the cops or get me admitted to a psychiatric institution or anything after reading this. I'm not suicidal or anything, haha.

Alright, now that I've weirded everybody out to the extreme... let's touch upon the other extreme...

Pleasure. Such a mysterious feeling, isn't it? In different context, it can mean different things. There's the pleasure of just hanging out with your friends. There's the pleasure of good conversation and time spent with an individual. There's the pleasure of a woman's touch. All call upon the same word to describe the feeling they summon, but all can be described differently. It may not be as intriguing to you guys as it is to me, but I just kinda felt like writing about it.

I'm out of things to write about... For now. I guess I'll see you guys later. Don't be strangers, now. Feel free to call/text/IM me whenever just to talk.

Have fun out there, fellas.
Vaniah Schwenoha

The Adventure

12 January 2008
6:47 PM

Good song. It’s by Angels and Airwaves, if you’re interested in listening to it.

Damn. It’s been so long since I last wrote. I’m writing on the bus back to Los Angeles now, so I don’t have Internet access to check my last entry for where I left off. I know that I haven’t written since before Thanksgiving, though, so I guess I’ll start writing from there.

Coming back for Thanksgiving was great, but definitely too short of a break. I met my brother Richard’s new girlfriend at Thanksgiving dinner, as well as her two daughters. One is ten years old and the other one is sixteen. It was a bit of a surprise to find out she had kids, but the whole lot of them seem really cool. His girlfriend is a looker, too. They seem pretty happy together, and it looks like Richard does well with kids. We played Wii at Thanksgiving dinner, which my sister bought for her boyfriend, Liermann, for his birthday.

The rest of the weekend was spent hanging out with family as much as friends, which was nice, because I didn’t really hang out with family that much when I lived in Vegas, but I do quite a bit now that I’m not always around. I went with my cousins to SkyMania – a much-needed exercise. Friends were supposed to go too, but by the time we went, a lot of people were busy, and had to bail out on me. I didn’t mind, though. I went to the mall on Black Friday, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. We went at like, 6:00 PM, so it wasn’t too crowded. I got a good deal at Express Men on a T-shirt and two pairs of jeans, and because it was Black Friday, I got a promotional pair of pajama pants with my purchase. Chyeah!

On Saturday, I went to the UNR @ UNLV basketball game. I sat with Chris, Dallas, Alexa, Alma, Alex, Cortney Beasley, and Maricela, but I also saw Sabrina before and after the game and I saw Alicia at half-time, when she and Niki came over to our side to say hello. I bought a UNLV Athletics T-shirt, haha. UNLV won, which I was happy about. It’s kinda sad that I went to a UNLV basketball game before I went to a game for my own school, haha. After the game, Chris and I went over to Angela’s house for Game Night. There were a lot less people there this time than there used to be when I was younger, and would go every Saturday. Back then, I met new people every week because the regulars would bring their friends from work and such. Now, I guess it’s usually just the regulars, and it’s more hanging out than the semi-parties it used to be.

Chris told me he’s jealous of them because they’ve known each other for so long and still hang out with each other at least once a week. I’m not so jealous. I trust that we can be like that in the future, no matter who we end up working for. Imagining something like that, I think about what’ll happen after I get my degree. Maybe there will be some computer hardware company in or near Las Vegas that I can work for, and I’ll be able to come hang out and visit with people like Chris, who might be working his way through the ranks in a nice hotel or high-rise in Vegas.

I think the only other thing I did before I went back to L.A. was go to lunch with my brother Richard one day and with my uncle and cousins another day. Then it was back to my life at USC. I finished out my classes, some with good grades, some… with not-so-good grades, haha. My group in my Engineering Freshman Academy class built our semester project, which was supposed to be a device that allows you to walk on water. You can find video of it on YouTube. On the day we were supposed to present our project, there was a race among the groups across the diving well. The initial goal given was to walk on water for at least five seconds unassisted, but we were confident in our project, so my team wanted to win the race, too. I was the one who used the device, and when the race started, I worked my ass off trying to get across the pool. The only other guy that got a good start besides me fell down about half-way across the pool… but I also fell down when I was about ¾ of the way across. I pushed so hard on my device that the frame of PVC fell apart, which destroyed my balance, and once I was down, there was no getting back up without going back to the edge of the pool. If we had glued the PVC together or if I had gone slower, I’d have won the race easily. In fact, after the race, I put the frame back together and made it across the pool a second time. We came in a weak third in the end, however, losing to the guy who fell down and later cheated by getting help from his teammates and to another guy, who didn’t get a good start, but ended up getting across the entire pool without assistance.

That was one of my big projects for the semester. That course was a credit/no credit course, and I earned credit for it. The other project was the programming of my BoeBot to go through an obstacle course. I’m pretty sure that in the end, my team’s BoeBot made it through the obstacle course with the most precision. We earned a 99% on that project, and I ended up with an A in the course for the semester. I also got an A in Calculus I, which was expected. However, I did get a B- in my Writing class and a C- in my Law, Politics, and Public Policy class =x My GPA after first semester is 3.04. Not bad, I suppose. I’m still eligible for the MGM Mirage Family Scholarship, so I’m happy, and so are my parents.

I relaxed a bit over the weekend between the two final exams I had. On Friday, I celebrated Festivus in Matt’s apartment with the guys from Sigma Alpha Mu and drank with them afterward. I invited this girl, Natalie, over at some point during the night. I went down on my rollerblades to meet her, and she rode her bike back to Matt’s apartment with me. We took a shot when we first walked in, then talked while everybody else played XBOX 360. After a few people left, we decided to play a game of beer pong. I had been on my game pretty well earlier in the night, only losing one of about four or five games that I played. By the time I played with Natalie as my teammate, though, I had lost it. We played ten-cup with three beers instead of two, too, which surprised me because it was Natalie’s suggestion, and I had never played with that much beer with these guys. I think we played two games like that, and later on played one game with six cups and one beer on each side.

Alright, I have to put something in here. We play beer pong on the balcony at Matt’s place. Every once in awhile, a ball will go over the railing and into some bushes, and we lose a lot of balls that way. Well, we’ll usually go look for the ball for a few minutes and ditch it if we can’t find it quick enough. Usually, looking for the ball involves going out the front door, down the hall, out through the building entrance, and around to the side of the building to look. On this particular night, early in the night, instead of going through the front, I decided to just hop over the railing and climb down the wall to grab the ball. I did this a few times, climbing back up after I found the ball. Well, this happened once after Natalie showed up. The second time it went over while she was there, something interesting happened… Natalie decided to climb over the railing and get the ball herself because she thought it looked fun. At first, I was pretty concerned. I didn’t want her falling down and breaking something, especially since this was the first time she had come drinking with me. But she insisted on climbing down, so she climbed over and I held onto her hand to support her weight while she figured out how to climb down. After she climbed down, I came to the conclusion that… this girl is fucking awesome, haha! She’s a more hardcore drinker than I am, she’s really easy to talk to, and she’s a decent ninja, haha. Anyway, I ended up passing out in the middle of the night, and Matt and his friend walked Natalie back to her suite.

The morning, Niki drove over to pick me up. Niki came down for the weekend to pick up his mom from her cruise/have a little fun in San Diego. He drove down to San Diego with Daniella on Friday, stayed a night in his hotel room, and came to pick me up the next day. Before I go on, I want to mention something that I found out about before we left my apartment. If you read through my last post, you’ll notice the one paragraph in there about that girl I met while tumbling, who used to be a cheerleader in high school. Well, I checked my Facebook before I left my apartment, and she had written me a message saying that her friend had seen my blog, told her about it, and that she had read it. She didn’t like what I said about her, and pretty much told me that she has no interest being my friend anymore because of what I said. The thing is, though, that she misinterpreted my blog. See, the way she read it, it sounded like I was planning on breaking up her and her boyfriend so that I could go out with her. Now, I’m not sure who all reads this, but I’d like to think that it’s mostly people who know enough about me to know that I’m not the kind of guy to try that kind of stuff with any girl. I’m usually not one to fight for a girl when there’s another guy involved. She either likes me or she doesn’t. There’s no point in trying to impress her to get her attention away from the other guy. If she doesn’t think I’m a better person, then hey.. her loss. So you see, I never meant for my blog to say that I was planning on breaking two people up, if that’s how you read it. The way I wrote it, what I was trying to say was that if she and her boyfriend broke up for any reason, without my influence whatsoever, I would take an interest in her and try to get to know her. But as long as she and her boyfriend were going out, I’d just be her friend, and hopefully have someone to tumble with out in the quad. Honestly, if I were interested in her as more than a friend right now, I’d at least talk to her more often than whenever I went tumbling. I’d ask her to lunch and or dinner at one of the cafeterias every now and then or something. I actually specifically made sure not to ask her to lunch all that much or even at all because I didn’t want to look like I was coming on to her or interfering with her relationship with her boyfriend.

Now that I’ve gotten that out in the open, I can continue with my story about Niki and Daniella visiting. I sent a message back to Michelle and we left on our way to San Diego. Niki let me drive because he was sick of all the California traffic he had been exposed to in the past couple of days. It took us a few hours to get to San Diego, but eventually we got to the hotel. We chilled there for a bit and then left to Viejas, the casino Niki had picked for us to go to. There was a mall across the street from the casino, so we dropped Daniella off there to go shop around while we played poker. Niki borrowed $100 from me, and I withdrew $60 to play with. We both bought in for $40 at first at the $1-$2 no-limit hold’em table. I lost my $40, bought in with my last $20, and then turned it into about $90-$100 within a few hands. I should’ve left then to go eat dinner, but I got stupid, and didn’t. I played a few hands, and then told myself that if I got back above $100 or got down to $30, I’d leave the table. Well, I went up and down a few times, and then finally got down below $30… and didn’t leave. I lost that $30 plus another $20 I withdrew from the ATM, leaving me $80 down for the night, haha. Niki left the table with about $60, so he was up for the night. He paid me back and we got a late-night meal in the casino, after about five hours of playing poker. We stayed the night in his hotel room, drove to pick up Niki’s mom from her cruise in the morning, stopped at the beach, and then I got dropped off back at my apartment and they drove back to Las Vegas. Overall, it was a fun weekend.

I took my last exam and then packed up and got ready to go back to Vegas for winter break. At 5:00 PM the day before I left, the power went out and… didn’t come back on until 3:00 AM the next day. The guy I was catching a ride with back to Vegas almost decided to leave early because the power was out, but instead we just packed in the dark, put our stuff in the car, and waited ‘til morning to leave. We made it to Vegas in about 4½ hours, stopping at Denny’s for breakfast on the way. I paid for his breakfast since he didn’t ask me to pitch in for gas or anything. My parents also gave him some comp tickets to the Bellagio as a thank-you.

I’ve been writing for about an hour and a half, so I’m going to take a break. If I don’t write more on this bus, I’ll just leave off here and try to recount winter break another day.

Best,
Vaniah Schwenoha

This is your life. Good to the last drop.

17 November 2007

6:01 PM

Well, it's been a few weeks since I've written anything about my life here in LA. I hope I can recount all of it...

I didn't do anything for Halloween, which disappointed me. I'd have gone out to do something, anything, if I didn't have an essay due the next day which I still had to write. Ugh. I hate teachers who give due dates like that. The weekend that followed was homecoming weekend, so everybody was busy. On Saturday, I walked around campus before the game. There was so much going on. Tents were set up everywhere for organizations to use. The ones in the quad were all taken up by fraternities and sororities. I've never seen so much beer pong played in one place, haha. I didn't feel comfortable trying to get in on a game with a random frat, but I did find a guy I knew from my Writing class, and he set me up with one of his friends to play a game with his frat. I played pretty well, considering I hadn't played in awhile. I actually kinda carried the team. I brought us into overtime on redemption, but then we lost by a cup. By then, it was time for the competition cheer squad to perform in front of one of the libraries, so I walked over to check it out. When I got there, they were just setting up, so I helped them lay out the mats. Their performance wasn't bad, but it wasn't amazing, either. Afterward, I helped them carry the mats back to the building they came from, which gave me time to talk to one of the girls about possibly trying out next year. I was told that if I could find more guys who were interested in it, then they'd have coed tryouts. I hope I can find more people.

When I got back to the tent of the frat I was playing beer pong with earlier, they were finishing up because they were running low on beer. It was a small frat, and they didn't have a house on the row or anything, so they were gonna take all of their supplies back to this guy Nate's apartment. Well, they didn't have enough people to carry everything, so I helped them carry stuff, too, kind of as a 'thank you' for letting me drink their beer, haha. The apartment was probably about a mile from mine. They left to go to the game afterward, so I went the other way back to my apartment to watch it on my TV because I didn't have a ticket. I found a few of the guys on Facebook, and on the following Tuesday, one of them invited me to go with them out to dinner. I was pretty excited about this, because it was a chance to get a little farther away from campus than I've been able to go without my own car. We met up on campus, piled into two cars, and drove north. We passed the Staples Center on the way, which I thought was cool, because I had never seen it before. We went to Roy's, a restaurant with Hawaiian fusion cuisine. Apparently, I met these guys at the right time, because on this particular occasion, it was one of the guys', Avi's, birthday, and even though his parents weren't with us, they were generous enough to pay for the entire meal. Long story short, I had an amazing filet mignon dinner with pork ribs and other delicious appetizers for free, and I met a group of guys who are hella cool. We went back to Avi and Matt's apartment after dinner for dessert, which was like, Oreo ice cream cake. Their apartment is pretty nice. They have an XBOX 360 and a Wii hooked up to a huge HDTV, and each guy has their own bedroom. It was Tuesday night, but that didn't stop anybody from drinking a little bit. I stayed sober, but a couple guys took drinks every time they died while playing Halo, haha.

Wednesday was when I found out about Victor, which I wrote about in my last entry. Thursday was uneventful, but Friday was kind of interesting. I went out to the quad again to tumble. I was doing what I normally do out there, but I this time my tumbling encouraged someone else to tumble. I looked over and saw this really cute girl do a roundoff followed by two back handsprings. I applauded her, and she smiled and waved back, so I decided to have a mini battle with her from across the quad. I did a roundoff with like, seven back handsprings or so, so she did the same thing. I didn't really count how much either of us did, but we both proved that we could do a series without struggle. Then I did roundoff, back handspring, back tuck, back handspring, back tuck, back handspring. I'm sure she could have beaten me if she had been practicing every week or two like I have been doing, but when she went, she only did roundoff, back handspring, back tuck. Regardless, I was impressed, so I went over to her and asked her name. Michelle. I asked her if she was a cheerleader, and she said she did it in high school in Texas. I told her that we should tumble together once in awhile, because she's the first person I've found who tumbles who's not on the squad at USC, and I've been looking for someone to tumble with since I've started out here. I didn't want to be a bother by talking too much, so I gave her my card (haha), told her to add me on Facebook, and went back to my own business. I would've looked her up on Facebook myself, but she added me before I got a chance, which I was pretty stoked about. It turns out she has a boyfriend, but it's her boyfriend from high school, who goes to UT. I'm not one to try to break people up, so I'm not gonna push anything on her, but if we hang out every once in awhile, I'll let her know that I'm interested in her, and that if she ever breaks up with her boy, I can always be her rebound ;-D

After talking to Michelle, I stopped tumbling for a bit and joined a couple of guys who were playing frisbee. We tossed around for a bit, but after awhile, one of the guys asked if he could try out my Powerizers. I told him it was fine by me, since I had all of my protective gear with me for him to use. He strapped up, strapped in, and that's where the comedy ensued, haha. He could barely keep his balance without one or two people near for him to hang on to. He fell a couple of times and then decided he'd had enough, and took them off. I put them on after him, and showed him that with a little practice, you get the hang of it, and explained to him that I was just as clumsy when I first started.

Matt texted me that Friday night to let me know that people were going to be drinking at his place later in the night, and that I was welcome. I took a shower, loaded my shoes and ping pong balls into my duffle bag and rollerbladed over to his place. The night started out nicely. I gave Matt $20 to cover beer for the next few times I drink with them. Beer pong was set up out on the balcony. We played 15-cup with two 16-oz. Colt 45's first, and my partner was Brett, the guy I played with in the quad over homecoming weekend. We got ahead at first because I made a bomb (same cup made by both players; counts as the cup made plus any adjacent cups, up to four additional cups), but then the other guys took the lead. We came back a little bit, but I think we lost by two or three cups in the end. Brett was trying to take things slow, but I was still game, so I played Matt heads up in 10-cup, two 12-oz. Coors Light. That game was really good. We went into overtime, and I only lost by one cup. While we played, we talked quite a bit. It was good to finally converse with someone. Usually, Charles and I don't talk that much. I still think it's because he's like, hardcore asian, and speaks Chinese the majority of the time. Anyway, I took a break for the next game, but then Matt and I were teammates against the guys from upstairs, who came down to challenge us. We played with the setup I first played when I started playing beer pong - six cups, one beer per person. I remember that they won the eye-to-eye shot to see who went first, but I wrote it off by saying "That's okay. It's the only shot you'll make all night." Of course, Matt and I dominated that game. We won by at least four cups. We played another game after that, which I think we lost, and after that, I was too wasted to care. I ended up puking in the trash can by the end of the night, and I crashed out on the couch.

I woke up in the morning to loud fucking music blasting through the stereo, which could be turned down not by remote, but by my getting up and turning down the iPod that it was connected to. That pissed me off, but at least I woke up early. Matt was asleep in his room, but he had left a cup of water out for me to drink when I woke up. Being the only one up, I cleaned up the apartment. I grouped all of the plastic cups together and put them in two even stacks on the beer pong table, emptied all the beer cans and started a pyramid with them in the corner of the balcony, and even got bored enough to evenly space the XBOX and Wii controllers on the table, along with the bottles of water that were still partially full. I discovered that I didn't quite manage to get everything in the trash can the night before, so I cleaned up my puke on the chair and carpet as much as I could, but I didn't want to use any towels that weren't meant for that kind of cleaning, so I resorted to using paper towels. I explained my cleaning methods in a note, left it on the chair, and then packed up and went back to my place, where I spent the majority of the day feeling like shit. I puked after I got home, too, which was not nice. The next week in class, Jonathan (the guy who introduced me to all of his frat buddies) told me that my note was framed because, haha. I haven't been over to Matt's place yet, so I don't know if he's bullshitting me or not.

The past week, all I've been doing is schoolwork. There was so much due this week. That's why I couldn't write in this blog. The midterm for POSC which I didn't think I did that bad on... I got a C- on, 73.75%. The last Writing assignment, though, Assignment #3, got a B, which I got pretty excited about. My second midterm in Calculus got a 60%, which was still above the average of 53.76%, but was much worse than the 83% I got on the first midterm.

I go home this week. I'm pretty excited about that =D
Chris reminded me about www.megabus.com, where I bought my bus tickets back for Thanksgiving weekend for only $60. On a non-holiday weekend, I can actually get bus tickets home for only $30, and in the middle of the week, I can actually got home for only $16. I doubt I'll ever go home in the middle of the week, but that's still really cool. I'm gonna try to take my Powerizers home with me to show everybody. That should be fun.

They finally replaced my broken refrigerator yesterday, which started malfunctioning two weeks after I got here. I'm really glad that they finally did. Now I can have cereal for breakfast every morning, like I used to.

That's it.
Bye.
Vaniah Juniper Schwenoha

You never expect it to happen to you

7 November 2007

11:07 PM

I suppose that can be said of anything.
You never expect to get in a car accident.
You never expect to fall in love with someone.
...You never expect to wake up and be told that your brother was seriously injured.

My sister, Angela, called at about 10:00 this morning, which woke me up. I was pretty drowsy, so I accidentally hung up on her while fumbling with my phone. She texted me, I explained what happened, and she called back. I wasn't really sure why she was calling, so I thought it odd for her to be calling me so early, when normally she'd call in the afternoon to talk or she'd just text me. Obviously, family matters are too urgent to send in text messages. Here's how the story goes...

My brother Victor flew in to Vegas on Tuesday because his friend Walter's dad had recently passed away, and Victor wanted to pay his respects. He was only supposed to be in town for a day, and fly back on Wednesday (today) because he had a meeting or something important to attend. Well, I guess he went out last night, to Walter's house. The way Victor told it, according to my dad, was that Walter's dog, a basset hound, hadn't seen Victor in a long time, so it was uncomfortable around him, and growled at him all night. Victor was just petting the dog, and all of a sudden, it freaked out and bit Victor's face. I would never expect a basset hound to really be capable or likely to cause that much damage, since it's not a particularly tall or aggressive breed. Apparently, though, the dog's bite went through Victor's cheek, and sent him to the hospital, where he received numerous stitches. Angela said he got 23, but my dad said it took 29 to patch him up. Either way, the wound is obviously large. My dad emailed a picture of it to me. If you want to see it, IM, email, or message me on MySpace or Facebook. I'd rather not just post it in here for anybody in the world to see.

Victor's still pretty woozy right now, from what I hear. If not from the sedative they gave him while he was at the hospital, then from the pain killers he was prescribed along with his antibiotics. My dad says his lips are so swollen around the wound that he can't close his mouth, and thus can't even suck anything through a straw. Chewing's out of question as well, so until the swelling goes down, he's going to have to get his nutition from some liquid superfoods that my sister bought for him. He has to stay in Vegas until at least next week, which must have a large impact on his studies and plans back in Fremont.

Angela said my mom's been really brash about the whole situation. She thinks the dog should be put down. I'm not sure how anybody's going to go about that situation. She also thinks Victor's going to need plastic surgery to make his face look the way it used to. My dad called about plastic surgery, but they said they typically wouldn't look at what needed to be done until after the wounds subsided. Angela says that the doctors who stitched him up would have suggested plastic surgery if they thought it necessary.

Angela's pretty rational when it comes to just about any situation. She's capable of looking at the big picture before deciding on a plan of action, as opposed to always acting on first instinct. I really wish I were more like that. She's the one who suggested to me that filing a claim with the insurance company for my stolen computer probably wouldn't be of any use because the cost of the parts wouldn't reach the deductible rate. She's also very educated, which helps in situations like the current one. She went out and bought the superfoods, some mineral water that's better for Victor's healing, and I think some ointments or treatments that will reduce the visibility of the scar. I should start reading into things like that - thing with practical uses - in preparation for unexpected things like this.

Thinking about it, my siblings have been through some painful experiences in their lives. I think my oldest brother Richard was the one who broke his collarbone when he got run over by a motorcycle (I think the story I've heard actually somehow places my other brother David on that motorcycle =x). My brother David crashed his motorcycle when he hit a pothole. That was when I was young, and I remember I would piggyback on him while he would do leaning push-ups against the wall with one arm while his broken arm was recovering. Angela was in a hit-and-run accident when I was very little that put her in the hospital, and she also got pretty banged up when she was riding on the back of a motorcycle with a guy and they ended up crashing. And now Victor's been in this incident, which could result in a significant change in appearance that can't be concealed as easily as the asphalt in my sister's knee. Though, thinking more, I realize my siblings are all very lucky in that things could have turned out worse. Victor could have lost an eye from that bite; Angela and David could have had the same fate as CJ. They are alright, though. They are still capable of using both arms and legs, of moving all fingers and toes. Through it all, my family members have been quite lucky in regard to their injuries.

Well, I wanted to write about some other stuff, but it doesn't really fit the mood of this entry, so I'll save it for a later date. It's better that I got this important stuff down first. I actually wrote a lot more than I initially thought I was going to.

Until next time.
Be safe out there.
Vaniah Juniper Schwenoha

WRIT 140 Assignment #3

Vaniah Schwenoha
Stephan Clark
WRIT 140/POSC 130
Fall 2007/Section 64180
1 November 2007
Assignment 3

The Internet Can’t Make It Uphill In Neutral

Holden McNeil, when attempting to explain the concept of the Internet to his oblivious friends in the adventure/comedy Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, states, “The Internet has given everybody in America a voice.” If only the Internet were as simple as Holden summarized it, there wouldn’t be controversial debate concerning the methods in which people should be able to make their voices heard. In truth, the companies that control the usage of the physical resources required to transfer information over the Internet – the broadband providers – are responsible for the distribution of information from those who host web sites – the content providers. Broadband providers control bandwidth – the speed at which information reaches those who access it – in two different ways, both typically based on price. First, they charge different rates for different bandwidths to those accessing the information, which is generally seen as fair because each person is granted equal opportunity to decide which bandwidth to use. Second, broadband providers charge different rates for different bandwidths to content providers, thus deciding how fast information gets out to those who access it. Because, in the latter of the two methods, end-users aren’t given a choice of bandwidth for the information they’re trying to access, there exists the debate on equality of voice. Advocates of what has been fittingly named “network neutrality” desire for everybody’s voice on the Internet to carry equal weight, and want to implement laws that would ensure such equality by requiring broadband providers not to allot higher bandwidths to wealthy content providers simply because they can pay more for it. By establishing uniform rates for all content providers, broadband providers would thus remain neutral in information distribution, and would give end-users the freedom to choose which Internet applications and sites to use, as opposed to choosing preferred applications or sites because they load faster.

The concept of net neutrality seems at first glance to be as straightforward as First Amendment rights to free speech, but in fact, the issue is extremely complex, and requires one to consider many aspects of broadband Internet usage. For example, opposition to net neutrality comes from those who claim that equal bandwidth for all would be economically unnecessary for many content providers and would diminish the overall efficiency of the Internet because of the limited resources available to handle bandwidth distribution. Politically, these proponents of a tiered bandwidth system are in favor of more lenient regulations, while advocates of net neutrality are on the offensive, pushing for broadband providers to have less discretion in the distribution of their bandwidth. Ideally, net neutrality would benefit all users only if the resources available could supply the demand for bandwidth and if those resources were reasonably affordable to be used by all content providers. Until those criteria are met, however, employing a tiered system of bandwidth usage to the Internet serves as the most efficient method of distributing information.

Having a broadband Internet connection simply means having a high-speed Internet connection. Technological advancements yielded the broadband movement, which enabled information to travel across the same copper-based phone network at higher bandwidths. However, the Internet is expanding continuously, and in most areas, technology isn’t. Consequently, the same bandwidth must accommodate greater amounts of information. This dilemma makes net neutrality difficult to accomplish. If it were implemented, bandwidth would be distributed evenly among all available content. Opponents of net neutrality argue that many of applications on the Internet, such as text-based content and still-image websites, don’t need the level of bandwidth they would receive by taking away from the more complex applications, such as streaming video and real-time gaming environments. Taking bandwidth from applications that need it would result in a diminished “quality of service” guarantee between broadband providers to content providers (Singer 36).

The next flaw in net neutrality concerns the economic injustices of sharing bandwidth. In the tiered Internet system, broadband providers can establish contracts with content providers such as game companies to ensure that an enhanced quality of service is upheld, and that applications intended to run in real-time can remain usable (Singer 36). Net neutrality calls for broadband providers to “Enable any content, application, or service” to be offered in a nondiscriminatory way, “including with respect to quality of service, access, speed, and bandwidth,” which would result in voidance of such contracts and decrease profits for broadband providers (United 2). Further, net neutrality would prohibit broadband providers from implementing different rates in the first place, since no content provider would receive higher bandwidth priority than any other. To put it simply, net neutrality would require a broadband provider to charge the same fee to a large content provider such as Google or Amazon as it charges to small content providers, such as a local retail business. As a result, one of two consequences could occur. Either, charges for smaller content providers would skyrocket to compensate for the money lost through lowering charges for large content providers, or all bandwidth charges would disappear entirely to accommodate a non-discriminatory Internet environment. In the first case, the small content providers would pay extra money for bandwidth they don’t need while large content providers would receive lower bandwidth than demanded for their applications. Content providers then would “cause content providers to reduce their investment in new [quality-of-service]-needy content,” which would lead to a large technological step backward by getting rid of many real-time and high-definition applications (Singer 40). In the second case, broadband providers would suffer economically, which seems harmful to only them until the resource factor is considered. The broadband providers are the ones working to expand bandwidth capabilities within their networks, and will fail to advance in doing so if their economic resources are cut short. By keeping a tiered system of bandwidth distribution now, broadband providers can keep economic burden off the small content providers and still acquire the funds needed to support projects to expand network capabilities, such as building Verizon’s fiber optic network, which “is… capable of offering bandwidth pipes much fatter than DSL and potentially cable (Weiss 22).” Then, after new lines have been laid down that can support high-speed data transfer for all, net neutrality principles can work efficiently.

Most of the net neutrality debate centers around businesses, but in the end, the end-users are the ones who may be affected most. Under net neutrality, broadband providers would have to minimize services because of resource restrictions, which would result in a deteriorated Internet experience for end-users, who often desire content of the highest quality, such as high-definition video and cutting-edge applications, such as real-time interaction. Economically, net neutrality could place burdens on individuals as well. Consider the two alternative consequences of net neutrality mentioned above. If the first case were to occur, small content providers might need to charge more to those who access their information in order to compensate for their raised costs of service. By retaining a tiered system of bandwidth distribution, only end-users who use the most bandwidth-intensive applications, such as real-time video games, would need to pay premium rates, while those who only access information from “content providers who do not require higher [quality of service], which is the majority of sites out there right now” would only need to pay for their initial service, the price of which being determined by the end-user’s choice of bandwidth (Singer 40). If the second case were to occur, end-users might expect not only a deteriorated Internet experience because of bandwidth restrictions, but possibly also raised costs in initial service, instead of costs set forth by content providers. Broadband providers would lose revenue from contract holders under net neutrality, and might decide to make up for the losses by raising bandwidth charges for consumers. Though, the consumer market wouldn’t stand for costs as high as the $140 proposed by Richard Clarke for Internet service, much less the $466 proposed for Internet and HDTV service (Singer 39). Therefore, prices would go up and disturb end-users, but the increase wouldn’t nearly make up for the money lost through voided contracts from content providers with quality-of-service-needy content, and the hope of laying down lines with fatter bandwidth pipes in the near future would simply turn into another pipe dream. The only way to work toward a more capable network would be to keep a tiered system and keep profits flowing in.

Network neutrality looks like a great idea on paper, but so too do many other systems which do not succeed in practice. With the somewhat chaotic expansion of size and amount of content on the Internet within only a couple of decades, the concept of regulating such a massive collection of services and applications is difficult to go about doing. It seems that, until technological capacity surpasses content capacity, net neutrality will not yield positive results for any particular player in the Internet game, from broadband provider to end-user. Still, there may be hope in the future for net neutrality. Until technology advances further, however, the voices Holden McNeil claimed everyone has will have to range from yell to whisper.

Come Together

28 October 2007

3:51 PM

Well, I was right about last weekend. I just watched the football game on Saturday afternoon, went to Smart & Final and Ralph's to get some groceries, and sat around the apartment the rest of the weekend, partly just slacking off and chilling, partly trying to read some of the material I should've known about for my midterm. On Monday, I took my Powerizers out again, just for the hell of it. I took them about half a mile away or more to the closest McDonald's, where I had lunch. It was the first time I had taken them outside the apartment complex and not fallen. I was pretty stoked about that. Though, I will still be wearing protective gear when I get it, just because I don't like being scabbed and bruised everywhere. Later in the night, a friend, Kathy, and I made plans for dinner. When she came over, we didn't know what we wanted. We were gonna order something from http://www.dormroomdeliveries.com/, but we couldn't decide on what to get, so we ordered a pizza instead. We ate it while watching The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. She said she wanted to watch it because her boyfriend was reading it, and always talked about it. I lent her my copy of the book to read, too. I should probably re-read that novel, because I can't remember all of it. I think I a lot of the book was in the movie, but I don't remember if the endings were the same. Even though I probably would've been better off reading and studying instead of watching a movie and chit-chatting, I enjoyed the company.

On Tuesday night, there was another presentation in Bovard Auditorium that I had to go to for my WRIT 140 class. Well, since I didn't have to carry anything with me to it, I decided to take my Powerizers, haha. Because so many people ask about them when I go in public with them, I made some sort-of unofficial business cards to hand out so people could remember them more easily when they wanted to look them up online. Here's what they look like:
I cut out about 25 of them initially, and I'm down now to about 3, haha. However, with as many as I've handed out to curious people, I haven't seen any of them add me on Facebook or MySpace yet. That kinda sucks, because I'm still looking for more friends, but whatever. When I got to the auditorium, I was allowed in with my Powerizers, but when I got up near my seat on the top balcony, I was asked to leave them with the ushers so they wouldn't take up a lot of space around me in the seating area. Well, the presentation was alright. It was about rap and hip-hop music, like the last one, but even though this one had more variety in it, like a DJ, some interpretive dancing, and a fellow Trojan singer, it didn't interest me as much as the debate from last time. I think it was partly because the acoustics on the top balcony aren't that great, so I couldn't clearly hear everything the speaker was saying. Last time, I was way up in the second row, and could hear everything.

After the speaker series, I went down to Parkside to get dinner before going back home to study. Handed out some more cards to people I passed, talked to one guy who had seen them before and claimed he's wanted a pair for awhile, and gave him a little demonstration as I jogged away. Dinner wasn't bad, but I didn't get to finish, because there was a fire drill. Ugh. They gave me a ticket so they would know that I was there initially, and not to charge me for another meal, but I had eaten enough by then, so I figured I'd just go home and have some Easy Mac or something if I got hungry again. Plus, with so many people outside because of the fire drill, it was a perfect time to strap up my Powerizers and strike interest. I didn't stick around long after I got them on, but I could tell everybody was staring at me... Mainly because I was standing at least a foot above everybody else, and could see their faces, haha.

Wednesday was fun because it was the first day I took my Powerizers to class. Well, only one class... I went to Calc and Intro to CECS in my rollerblades, but then came back for the hour and a half between Intro to CECS and my Engineering Freshman Academy class so I could take them. I took what I thought I might need in a small briefcase, but from now on, if I need to take anything, I'm going to try to wear it on my back, because the briefcase kept getting clipped on the 'risers whenever my leg came up. Hopefully I'll gain more stamina as I use them more and more, because so far, I haven't been able to run for long periods of time without having to stop and walk for a minute to catch my breath. I also work up a good sweat whenever I run a lot, so I need to figure out how to go out on these and not show up somewhere dripping wet and smelling like shit. I kept my 'risers on and sat on a table near the door until most people in the class showed up, just to spark some interest, haha. The professor thought they were awesome when he saw them, and said he wanted a pair. I can't wait until a few weeks from now, when I can take the class outside and demonstrate a flip or two.

Wednesday night was where the school week started going downhill fast. I tried to read up for my midterm, but couldn't keep my mind on what I was reading because I was so tired, so I took a nap for an hour or two, woke up at about 11:00 or 11:30 at night, and then read and studied until about 4:00, when I finally went to sleep. I then woke back up at about 7:30 to study some more. Luckily, my WRIT 140 class was cancelled because we were doing conferences this week with the instructor, so I had an extra hour to study before POSC, and the dreaded midterm. Overall, I don't think it was as bad as I was making it out to be. I failed to mention a few key terms in my identifications, but I think I also hit on a good majority of the material that I was expected to know about. I debated going to Calc afterward, but went anyway, just to hand in my homework. Honestly, I don't have to pay much attention in the lab sessions for Calc if I finish my homework beforehand, because the TA pretty much just does our homework for us on the board. I didn't do anything for the rest of the day, because I wanted to wind down a bit before going straight back into work. I even went to the engineering school's talent show at 6:00, which wasn't bad. Most acts were singing, instrument-playing, or dancing, but a few acts were decent. One of the frats had a bunch of engineers come and crank dat Soulja Boy as an act, which was kinda funny, but I don't think anybody really knew what they were doing well enough to make it look good. After the first two runs of the chorus, the entire thing fell apart because the music changed beat and the dancers didn't. It was really poorly organized. Whatev. At least I got some free nachos and cotton candy.

At night, I napped again, then stayed up late researching and prewriting for my net neutrality essay, taking naps somewhere in the middle. I just about finished everything I intended to have ready for the conference by about 11:00, but was too fed up with my work to go to class, so I skipped Calc for the second Friday in a row and took another short nap. Then I got ready for my conference, which was at 12:50. I'd say the conference went well. The instructor changed the schedule around so each student would have a 20-minute conference instead of a 15-minute one. Last conference, I don't even think I made it to the end of 15 minutes before I was out of stuff to talk about, but this time, I was surprised that I had taken up the entire 20 minutes, even though I told him at the beginning of the conference that because of all the studying I had to do for POSC, I had only started researching and writing the day before/morning of. I think everything went better because I'm way more interested in net neutrality than political cartoons. I'm sure it's an engineering thing, since this new topic atually has something to do with computers.

After the conference, I dropped my backpack off in the apartment and headed down to the E-quad (engineering quad) for Viterbi Spotlight, which was this thing for freshman engineers that promoted each engineering field with the intent to gain interest from people who weren't sure what they wanted to do. I only checked out the computer science, electrical engineering, and industrial engineering booths. Electrical engineering seems pretty cool. One of my professors who was there said that if I really wanted to work with hardware fabrication, I could go either way, into CECS or EE. After I finished checking out the booths, I grabbed some free food that they had. The event was catered by Earle's Grill, and I had a cheeseburger and some chili-cheese fries. They were pretty good. I talked to one of the Freshman Academy coaches, Harry, who graduated from Clark High School in '06. He said he's not going back to Vegas for Thanksgiving, but his roommate might be going, so I might be able to hitch a ride home with him, which would save me a lot of money. We'll see how that turns out.

After the barbecue, I came back to the apartment to drop off my rollerblades and strap on my Powerizers again. I went down to the quad on them and then took them off to tumble in the field. The grass was wet, which wasn't nice for tumbling, but I managed. Eventually, some familiar faces came by with frisbees, and I threw around with them for at least an hour. I'm getting a bit better at throwing with different techniques, which is cool. After everybody left, I went to Jamba Juice and then back home to shower and rest. I kinda wanted to see Saw IV, but really was okay with going out to see any movie at all. Jourdan was down to go, but of the three movies playing at the closest movie theater, she wanted to see The Comebacks. We waited until the next showtime to go, but when we finally left, I double-checked Fandango and found out I was wrong about the time, and that we were half an hour late for The Comebacks, which started at 9:30, and actually on time to see 30 Days of Night at 10:00. Well, she was fine with seeing that movie, but our plans went to shit once again when we got there to find out that they only took cash. This was a problem because I didn't have enough money in my bank account to make an ATM withdrawal and she didn't have enough cash to spot me, so she returned her ticket and we just headed back to my place and watched Chasing Amy. Afterward, we were gonna drink, but with it being just us two, it didn't really seem like a fun idea, so we just talked and hung out until we got tired. She crashed out on the couch, and left in the morning sometime.

Woke up on Saturday and watched the game, which I usually do whenever it's televised and I don't have other plans. We lost again, which sucked. I was sore from the previous day's activities, so I didn't plan on going out to do anything, but I eventually ended up going out. Alex, Dallas, and Alexa drove out to go to Knott's for the annual Halloween Haunt. Since Knott's is only 25 miles away from me, they came and picked me up to go with them. I was still broke, so Dallas paid for all of my stuff. I'll pay him back within the next two weeks. We had a bit of trouble getting in, because Alex, Dallas, and Alexa had tickets, but the event was sold out by the time we got there and I was too sore and too much of a chickenshit to try to sneak in and make a run through the crowd to avoid getting caught by security. Dallas and I walked around the entire park looking for an entrance, to no avail. As we were scouting, though, some guy walked by, saw what we were doing, and offered us his extra ticket for $40. He was with some kids, and looked honest, so we followed him to the entrance, where Dallas got some cash from Alex to help pay for it, and we all went in.

Knott's was packed! Like, too crowded to be able to sit against a wall without having to bring your feet in close to avoid getting stepped on. We only really went on one ride, and the rest of the time, we walked through the haunted mazes, which weren't bad. We also got some funnel cake right before the park closed at 2:00, which was delicious. Afterward, we took Alexa to Alberto's because we thought we were going to sit down and eat with her sisters and cousins, but it turned out everybody just went through the drive-thru, so that was pretty pointless. Finally, we left Alexa with her family, and Dallas and Alex took me back to my apartment before they started their drive home.

I'm glad they decided to pick me up and take me with them. It's always really fun to hang out with friends from Vegas whenever they come out to visit. It would've been more fun with more people, but oh well. This visit was still fun, and very much needed after such a long week of schoolwork.

I talked to Dallas about the whole situation with Niki while we were waiting in line for a haunted maze. He said he plans on helping Niki pay back his mom and Sarah, but he doesn't have the money right now. I'm glad I asked him about it, because Niki's been too much of a titch lately to ask about it. He said he doesn't like asking people to pay him. Luckily, I don't give a fuck, haha. I'll probably talk to Chris soon about giving Dallas the $25 I transferred to his bank account to pay for the parking ticket they got last time they were here. If Chris is going to hound Niki for the money for Maricella's birthday party, he better expect me to hound him for the money he owes to people. I don't even know if he kept his word and gave my router back to my dad yet... I'm getting kinda critical of others now =/ Maybe a little bit of Niki rubbing off? Haha. I'm over it. Lately, Niki's been my only feed into the lives of everybody back in Vegas, so I've only got his view to go off of.

Well, this entry's getting long enough. I think it should be enough to keep you busy. Special birthday shoutout to Sarah =D Hope your weekend with Niki, Rachel, and Salome was a blast =)

Hands held high,
Vaniah Schwenoha

P.S. ~ I spent the past week listening pretty much only to the Minutes to Midnight and Across the Universe albums, so that's where the title and outro come from.

A Trojan with a giant Achilles tendon

20 October 2007

1:59 PM

That's how the guy in this video referred to them - as a huge Achilles tendon.

Well, I got my Powerizers exactly a week after I ordered them, on Tuesday. They are really hard to use, haha. Something about the way they're positioned causes them to knock into each other every once in awhile. Also, you have to make sure to lift your foot high when you take steps, because if your foot's too low, it's kinda like dragging your foot, but the foot of the Powerizer will catch the ground and result in a stumble. Those are the main reasons I've fallen on them so far. I took them on campus for the first time on Thursday afternoon. A few people asked about them, which was cool. On the way back, going though the parking lot, I figured I had space, so I'd try to get a small run in. Well, that ended up being a bad idea, because like I said, something got caught up in the middle of it and I toppled over pretty hard. I found out that when I fall, I turn onto my left side, haha. Right now, I have bruises on the palms of both of my hands, my left elbow, and the under-side of my right knee and I have both scabs and bruises on my left knee and my left shoulder. I'm gonna wait for those to heal, and for my protective gear to show up, before I try anything else on them. My parents gave me $200 to buy gear, and I spent about $150 on some stuff at http://www.getjumpingstilts.com/, but I need to find a couple more things too, like wrist guards and maybe even shoulder pads.

The other guy I know at USC with a pair of Powerizers sent me a video last night of him at the track field learning front flips on his. His look a lot easier for him to bounce on than mine are. Hopefully mine get broken in soon, because I can hardly bounce on mine right now.

I'm really gonna have to watch myself on these things. I just turned on the TV and caught the end of a program before the football game. The program was about a BMX biker who bailed during a competition and ended up a quadriplegic. It made me think about how something like that can happen at any time. If I'm not careful in what I do, tumbling or using my Powerizers, I could end up the same way.

Yesterday was probably the first day in a little over a week that I've hung out with anybody outside of class. I went to Parkside restaurant with Jourdan, and I also hung out with her later on in her apartment. We were both doing homework, so it wasn't really exciting or anything, but it was nice just not to be alone. I don't expect to do anything big this weekend because I have a midterm in POSC 130 on Thursday to study for and I need to get some research and prewriting done by Friday for my third assignment in WRIT 140. My second assignment for my Writing class got a C/C+, whatever that means. I forgot to post it in here. Maybe I will soon. Oh well. I figure it's just too hard to get good grades in my GE's, so I'll let my other classes make up for it. This next essay should be more interesting for me because it's about restrictions on the Internet. I'm going to cover net neutrality, I think. I should get a lot of work done as soon as I can on that because my brother might come visit sometime within the next two weeks because his term is almost over.

I talk online with Niki like, every night. I enjoy it, because I don't keep much contact with anyone else from back home. I wish I talked to more people. That's partly my fault too, though, because I don't make many efforts to get in contact with them. Niki really wants Chris and Dallas to help pay his debts to his mom and Sarah. I asked Chris about it the other day and he said he might just do it gradually by paying for little things like meals and movies. That may be a way of paying Niki, but it doesn't do much to pay the people Niki owes, who really should get the money. Even with the way Chris talked about dealing with it, it didn't seem like he meant it, because he expected Niki to pay him back money that he spent on Maricella's birthday party last week.

I'm out of things to talk about. Sorry most of this is just facts, and not really thoughts. Hopefully I can write more about how I feel about things when I get some more time to think.

Have fun
Vaniah Schwenoha

Urgh

13 October 2007

11:58 PM

I can't wait until I have my car. I'll be up in Vegas once every other weekend, and I won't be fuckin' down all the time because I'm missing out on good times with my friends...

Vaniah Schwenoha

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

12 October 2007

11:02 PM

Academic update: C on my first WRIT 140 essay, C+ on my POSC 130 essay.
I'm totally over it. I'm just gonna let my GE classes fuck my GPA. But they can't be so screwed that I don't get the MGM Mirage Family Scholarship next year. My mom needs all the help she can get to pay for my tuition =/

I only managed to squeeze out a little over four pages for my essay about political cartoons that was supposed to be 5-7 pages long. Most other people I talked to had trouble writing a lot, too. That's good for me because I won't be the only person who failed to meet the length requirement. I'm just glad I got anything written down after putting the thing off for so long. I started writing the essay at like, 5:00 PM the day before it was due. I might've worked on it over the weekend if my friends weren't in town. Speaking of... Let's move on to the fun stuff =)

I stayed up pretty late on Thursday night waiting for the guys to show up, but not late enough, since Dallas' car was running too hot on the way here, so they had to drive slower, and since they got a little lost just before they got here. They woke me up at about 4:20, when they were outside. They parked in one of the lots that required a parking permit, and as a result, found a ticket for $50 placed on the windshield the next day =x. Whatev. We decided to split it four ways to make it even. We chilled in my apartment for a couple hours before going to sleep, getting set up with the bed situation and whatnot.

When I woke up Friday morning and got ready to go to Calculus, it definitely didn't look like anybody was willing to go with me, as they had all planned to. The only one consciously awake when I left was Dallas, who would've gone if I didn't have to be in class in ten minutes, or if he had had his own transportation (I was in my rollerblades, as always).

I should mention here that a couple weeks ago, I replaced my rollerblade wheels and bearings. For the first couple weeks, the back wheel on my right skate rolled funny, like it was lop-sided. I just figured it had slid too much once while breaking, and that part of the wheel was worn down too much. After long enough, however, it became apparent that the case was not the condition of the rubber, but of the wheel itself. The plastic casing was actually what was broken, causing part of the wheel to bend in every time I put weight on it. Eventually, the break in the plastic got worse, and it got to the point where I couldn't take it. So, I borrowed Charles' bike and headed out to Sport Chalet. Keep in mind that Charles' bike was designed for children under 4' tall, that his front tire was flat when I first got on it, and that the area around USC isn't the safest place to be traveling alone. I rode the bike to the nearest car wash to fill the tires up on air, and then proceeded to ride the rest of the 7.2 mile journey to Sport Chalet. Crazy, I know. It wasn't a good idea, considering I don't know the streets in LA at all and by the time I left Sport Chalet, it was already dark. I think it was good for me, though. It got me out of this little bubble of a neighborhood I've been in since I moved here, and it helped me gain some knowledge of the businesses around here, not to mention I have new wheels that are about two centimeters wider than my old ones, which makes going over cracks in the sidewalk a lot smoother.

Well, now that I've gone completely off topic...

I went to class, bought some milk on the way back so the guys could have breakfast, and then hung out in the apartment for awhile. After everybody had showered and gotten ready, we left for the movie theater to catch Across the Universe. Well, we got kinda lost on the way, and since it is LA, we hit decent traffic, so we didn't make it to the movie theater on time. Once we got to The Grove, where the movie theater was, we decided to go instead to see Resident Evil: Extinction first, and then movie hop to Across the Universe. I really enjoyed both movies. The plots of the Resident Evil movies are decent, and those movies are filled with action and sexy actresses, so I don't have anything to complain about. Across the Universe was really, really good. I know I always say I'm an Elvis guy as opposed to a Beatles guy, but this musical-movie was spectacular. It made me wish I listened to more Beatles music, because if I had, I'd have understood more of the little quirks that related to the Beatles. Maybe I will start listening to them more.

After the movies, we came back to my apartment, hung out for a bit, and then went to Parkside Restaurant for dinner. On the way there, I made a deal with the guys that I would pay the share of the parking ticket to the person who stole me the most silverware, because the silverware I currently had had already rusted. It was a fair trade, getting silverware for $12.50 plus the $36 of my meal plan's dining dollars I had to pay to get the guys into the restaurant because they wouldn't let me use my meals on anybody but myself. In the end, Dallas, with 21 pieces of silverware, lost to Chris, with 24 pieces. Though, it was an even closer call than that, because Chris took two soup spoons, which I totally don't think I'm ever going to need to use, haha!

While we were eating, we talked about a lot of stuff. Nothing really specific - nothing that stuck out in my mind - just talked. We joked around a lot, and couldn't stop laughing because of it and because of the noises that Dallas and Chris' pockets were making with so much silverware in them. I think it was at the table that night in the cafeteria that I realized how much I was enjoying myself. I hadn't been that happy or had that much fun since before I left Las Vegas. It made me realize that these guys will always be my best friends. No distance or time interval between our visits will limit the amount of joy we bring each other by just hanging out and being ourselves. It gave me a real feeling of security.

After dinner, we laughed our way back to the apartment, Chris and Dallas' pockets jingling all the way. The initial plan was to find some parties on Friday night, but we were a little worn out from the day by the time night rolled around. Dallas fell asleep early, followed by Chris, and I crashed out waiting for Niki to finish his online poker tournament. The next day, all of us but Niki were up by noon, and went to Chipotle for lunch. We brought Niki back a burrito, but he didn't eat much of it, so he left it in the fridge for me to finish off. It was a good thing that I didn't invite a whole lot of people to my place to party that night, because we decided instead to go visit Dallas' cousin Chris O in Mission Viejo. We drove the 60 miles out to his house, met up with him and his friend Ashley, and then drove out to T-Street, the beach relatively nearby. It was kinda fun trying to catch waves on boogie boards, but I think I enjoyed tumbling on the beach the most. The last time I had gone to the beach, I could do a standing back tuck, but I couldn't do many back handsprings in a row. I think I did at least seven or eight in a row on the sand.

After the beach, all of the guys quickly showered at Chris O's house and then we went to the football game at Mission Viejo High School. The home team was playing a team with a higher rank than theirs, but everything about the game was impressive nonetheless. The stadium seats were concrete, as opposed to the really shitty ones at Durango High. Since the other team was nationally ranked, the game was nationally televised. The field was a rich green and it was painted with just as much vibrance. The marching band, which Chris O tells us is the best high school marching band in the nation, was amazing at the half-time show. The cheerleaders were pretty good, too. I didn't see any of them do any fulls or anything like that, but I'm sure they could have if they wanted to, because their back tucks were really high.

Shortly after the start of the second half, we all decided to leave because the game had already been lost to the visiting team. We went back to Chris O's, all but Chris and Ashley went out to pick up Taco Bell, and after we finished and Chris O's parents had gone to sleep, we started to drink the Bacardi and Skyy I brought. Chris went to sleep, because he didn't want to drink. I played a little ping-pong, which was fun, but nothing was really that interesting while it was just Niki, Dallas, Chris O, and me drinking. Later in the night, Chris O's friends Bryce and Kaya came over with a couple of girls, Michelle and Allie. I thought Allie was pretty cute, but by the time everybody showed up, I was too drunk to do anything about it. We drank a little more, then decided to go down the street to the park by Chris O's house. I got the bright idea in my head to do more back handsprings, which went well... until I collapsed in the middle of one and bit the inside of my upper lip/lightly scraped my upper lip/nearly broke my nose. Haha! I also participated in a foot race at the park, for some reason; don't ask me why. After heading back to Chris O's, I don't remember much at all. I woke up the next day and asked everybody to assure me that I hadn't puked at any point last night. Chris O told me I snored so loud that people left, haha. Niki also said that I got in some kind of dispute over which Soulja Boy dance is better. After I woke up, I was still a little drunk/hungover, and it showed when Chris O's mom talked to me about my SAT's and I couldn't quickly add up my score from the first time I took them. Other than the addition, I guess I managed to hold a decent conversation.

We drove back from Chris O's, everybody grabbed their stuff, and we headed out to Dallas' car to say our goodbyes. Once packed up, however, Dallas' car wouldn't start. We couldn't tell what was wrong with it, but eventually, after letting it sit long enough, it did start. We said goodbye one more time and they were on their way.

That entire weekend was the best I've had in a long time. I can't wait until I have a car. Whenever I get a weekend that isn't too restricted by homework, I'm going to drive up to Vegas to hang out with my friends.

Well, here it is, October 12th, and I've kept my word from a couple entries back. After all was said and done, I managed to maintain my financial goal. After transferring $25 to Chris for the parking ticket, paying for the things I did over the weekend, and transferring $10 to Niki to protect him from overdrafting, I had $233.26 left in my bank account. My mom added $200 to that on Tuesday, which made just enough to buy my Powerizers for $429.99. I ordered them as soon as I got a chance. They're in transit now. By the next time I post, I should have a little bit of practice time in on them. I'm pretty excited, heh. Until next week, though, I have to manage not to spend anything, because I only have $3.13 left in my bank account ($0.14 to Chris to save him from overdrafting).

My tumbling gets better every time I go out to the quad. Yesterday, I did a standing back handspring, back tuck, back handspring, back tuck, back handspring, and I think I did a few good X-outs, too. I also joined some people yesterday who were playing frisbee, and caught the frisbee once in mid-backflip. Though, I for sure need to get better at throwing frisbees, haha.

I went to this thing in my RA's apartment last night that was kinda about the Islamic celebration of Eid. The only informative thing about it was contained in a couple of printed pages that explained it, but it was a fun experience nonetheless. At first, people were waiting for others to show up, so a couple of guys and I started a small poker tournament - no money involved, just chips. I played a fairly tight game, and ended up in second place. I probably could've won if the other guy and I had played seriously at the end, but by then, there were enough people there to be, as Anthony Cools says, 'sociable,' so I just ended it. I met a lot of Pakistani people and others, most with names I couldn't say correctly at first, much less spell. One girl reminded me a bit of Nikita, with her sarcasm and such, but if I got to know her more, she'd probably turn out to be cooler, probably because Nikita's a titch. If I can find her on Facebook, I'll talk to her - if not in pursuit of a relationship, then just for another friend around here, which I still need more of.

I'm done writing for now. I hope you enjoyed. I certainly did.

Be easy
Vaniah Schwenoha

Preparations

2 October 2007

10:09 PM

I was just down at Parkside restaurant - the cafeteria embedded in one of the residence halls here - and something very interesting happened. Being the bit of a loner that I am, and being that it was 8:30, and most people I know had already eaten, I sat down at an empty table by myself to have dinner. No later than 30 seconds after I sat down, a man at the table next to mine turned around and introduced himself - Garland. He asked my name, asked how to spell it and what origin it held, and proceeded to introduce me to a couple of his roommates/suitemates. Now, I don't necessarily see myself as a particularly outstanding person when it comes to physically attractive features, but this guy had an attitude that just seemed too friendly to me. Naturally, I started to worry that I was being hit on, especially after his friends left and he stayed to chat with me a little longer. I never found out whether or not he was gay. What I did find out was that, seemingly innocent in his initial background questions toward me, he was really setting up the conversation for something very influential in his mindset.

When I told him my name, he asked where it came from. When I told him it was from the Old Testament, he took note of it, and shortly after, he picked the topic back up by asking if I followed the Bible. He found it particularly funny when I replied with "Not really... I'm Agnostic." After he expressed his amusement, he tried to correct me by changing 'not really' to 'definitely not.' I told him it was a better response than telling him I was an atheist, and he asked why. I made the distinction between the two by claiming that an atheist denies existence of God whereas I, an Agnostic, just don't have any proof that He exists.

And here's the prestige!

Continuing conversation, he admitted to me that he was a big follower of Jesus. He said he didn't believe much in following the Bible because of all of its tradition and pickiness, but that Jesus was the best 'drug' he could possibly be on. Throughout the rest of our conversation, he tried guessing some things about my familial lifestyle, and when I asked him if he was trying to be psychic, he simply replied that he was channeling Jesus, and trying to listen to what He was telling him. Soon, our conversation was done, we shook hands, and he left. Just left. He said he'd pray for me tonight - for me to find the 'proof' I'm looking for, and to eventually find Jesus.

It may not strike you as particularly intriguing, but en medias res, it turned out to be a very peculiar and interesting experience.

Moving on...

It appears that the bulk of my time spent on homework isn't evenly distributed. The most time-consuming assignments come from my Writing and Critical Reasoning and my Law, Politics, and Public Policy classes, primarily because they are the ones that require me to write essays. I wonder if I'm the only one who finds it especially pointless that my efforts are concentrated on the only two classes in my schedule that don't directly relate to my intended major. I suppose my real argument here is this: I know how to write. I choose my words carefully and I try to support my arguments. However, these characteristics of my writing style are more prevalent in works that I choose to write. It doesn't seem right to be grading me on an essay based on a topic that I didn't choose to write about - that I don't care to write about. Whatever. Fuck it. If I can make it through these two classes this semester and express myself in the manner the instructors expect me to express myself, I'll try to avoid taking two general education classes in one semester ever again. In the mean time, I have to figure out how to 'make my ideas flow together' when I'm writing about the extent to which political cartoons offer an effective political critique. Ugh.

I got a haircut today. I really like it. It feels so nice to have short hair because (1) I don't have to spend as much time in the morning futzing with it and trying to get it to look decent, and (2) I think short hair makes me look cleaner - better. Long hair on me usually equates to big hair, and usually causes me to think my face looks wider and less appealing. Hopefully this new confidence staring back at me in the mirror will carry out into the classroom and within large groups.

In a little more than two days, Niki, Chris, and Dallas will be on their way down to LA to pay me a visit.
=D
I'm pretty excited about that. I talked with Niki a lot last night about planning, and it actually took me a little too far from my studies and homework. Whatever. If I told you I cared about school more than hanging out with my best friends after a month and a half away from them, it'd be a lie. Niki and I figured that we'd go out looking for parties on Friday night, but then have people over to my apartment on Saturday night for a kickback/mini-party. After I finish this post, I'm going to get on Facebook and start inviting people. We're gonna go see Across The Universe this weekend, too, since it's not playing in Nevada. Hopefully that happens Friday afternoon. We might to go the beach at some point. I'm not sure which one; we haven't really decided yet. Oh well We can't possibly plan every event to take place this weekend, 'cause that's just not our style.

Hmm... That seems like the bulk of things I had to write about.

"I will follow you into the dark"
Vaniah Juniper Schwenoha

Well, I expect that type of language at Denny's, but not here!

30 September 2007

4:06 AM

~sigh~ Flanders... Gotta love the Simpsons


As of now, I wrote more entries in the first month I had this blog than I've written in all of 2007. Funny how that works out.

~Caution: Graphic and potentially disturbing content. Skip forward if you're squeamish.~

I was getting a little tired of my bruised purple toe, so I took a pair of nail clippers and cut a small piece of skin off. This caused it to drain of all the blood/puss within. I have to say that that's probably one of the most disgusting things my body's ever done. The next day, I kinda did the same thing, but I cut off all of the skin in front of my toenail and ended up with a space between my toe and the nail. I've been putting peroxide in it periodically to prevent infection. It's all dry and safe and uninfected now, but there's still a big enough space for me to fit the tip of a butter knife into. I don't expect it to really go away until the nail grows completely out. I'm kinda surprised the entire nail hasn't fallen off by now. It's interesting how the body works.

~End graphic content~

Last weekend, I decided to stay in and read what I could for my Law, Politics, and Public Policy class. That plan probably would've gone well... if we hadn't had a kickback on Saturday night. Charles had some people over to watch the football game, which we dominated, and afterward, more people showed up and we drank. Because all but one of the guests were Charles' friends and my guest, Phyllis, is from Beijing, I was the only one who didn't speak Chinese. Haha. It was kinda interesting. Instead of being too drunk to understand people, I was simply too white. What was even more intriguing to me was that not a single person present had ever played Kings before. I ended up typing up the rules and printing them out to put on the table for when people forgot what a specific card value meant. In the middle of a game of 'Never Have I Ever,' someone said they had never been to a club. Not thinking about the fact that I've been to a strip club, I left my finger up. That's when everybody wondered aloud how I knew so many drinking games if I had never been to a club. Apparently, people play drinking games in clubs in Asia, lol.

So we barely made it through a single game of Kings, and it took forever to do. After that, we decided to play a free-for-all Beer Pong game. The way it went, we set up a pyramid of cups up to seven in a row and all shot at the same pyramid. If someone made a shot, the person who shot before them would have to drink. We would rerack after the number of cups in the largest row had been made. Somehow, even though I played a super-clutch game at that swim team party a couple weeks before, I managed to not make a single shot all night. I was pretty upset about that.

After all the beer was gone, everybody left. Some people went home; some people went to find parties. I stayed home, cleaned up the apartment, and went to sleep. Thinking about it, I'm not really sure why I didn't leave with everybody else. Maybe it had something to do with all the work I still thought I was going to do that night and the next day. It must've been that. I stayed behind so I could read the first 20-30 pages of To Kill A Mockingbird before I went to sleep. God, how much of a loser am I?

I tried to read as much as I could the next day, but only got within 100 pages of the end of the novel. I finally finished it on Monday night, didn't do much on Tuesday, and read a lot from the course reader Wednesday night. On Thursday morning, at about 5:30, I started writing the essay that was supposed to be due at 9:30 the same day. I skipped my 8:00 Writing 140 class to finish it. That's what was in the last post - that disgusting, horrid jumble of words I claimed to be an essay.

After struggling through that assignment all through Wednesday night and Thursday morning, I decided to go unwind in the quad by tumbling. The muscle in my leg had healed, and my toe wasn't giving me too much trouble, so I just chilled out there for a good two hours. I got pretty close to landing an aerial and I believe I executed a flash kick at one point. I was pretty sore the next day, but it was worth it. On Friday, I went to my single hour-long class from 11:00 to noon and then went to the quad again, but this time to check out this thing that this guy from my apartment complex had told me about earlier in the week while we were playing 8-ball in the CSC. It was called 'The Business of Gaming,' and there were booths setup from companies such as EA Sports, Activision, and Panasonic. Helio had a booth, too, and I finally got to check out the Ocean phone that they offer, which is pretty fuckin' sweet.

When I first got there, I was fortunate enough to get in line early enough to receive a free burrito from Chipotle, since they were kind-of catering the event. I also saw the world's largest plasma television, which has a 103" widescreen diagonal, and is made by Panasonic. A Guitar Hero tournament was played on it, and I'd have joined the competition, but I totally suck at Guitar Hero compared to some of the guys that played. They ran out of time anyway, and eventually cut the tournament short. The winner got a new guitar controller for the game and other players got consolation prizes. I stayed around until the end, and because they had some extra prizes left, I got a dual-controller USB charger for PS3 controllers. It doesn't to me much good right now because I don't have a PS3, but the two USB cables that came with it can be used for anything that fits them and I'll probably be able to make use of it when I get a new PSP in a few months because the new model, along with its capability to output video to a television, will be able to be charged through the USB port.

The rest of my Friday was fairly uneventful, and the only other thing that happened was that this girl Jourdan from the other apartment building came over and we hung out in my apartment for a few hours, just talking and stuff. she fell asleep on the couch, and I eventually crashed out in my bed, and when Charles came back with his friends in the middle of the night, I think she left. I remember Charles' friend Katie sleeping in Charles' bed, Charles being out in the living room until after Katie left in the morning, and when I woke up I found another one of Charles' friends lying across the four dining chairs that he had lined up to make a makeshift bed.

I pretty much did nothing today (Saturday). I watched the USC at Washington game on TV, and because Ron goes to UW, we made a small wager. Because my team won, he has to go to the book store at his school and buy me some kind of souvenir. I was pretty lucky in this bet, considering USC played a pretty bad game this week. We were favored to win by three touchdowns, but we only won by three points.

After the game, I got ready to go out, because I wanted to look for a good party place for when Chris, Niki, and Dallas come down to visit next weekend, but I didn't end up partying because I couldn't find anybody to go with. I got hungry at one point, so I called up Phyllis and we went to Denny's for a late-night meal. In the middle of our conversation, I mentioned that the guys are coming down next weekend. This is where she mentioned that her boyfriend is visiting next weekend. This was the very first time that I was made aware that she even has a boyfriend.

...

I can't wait 'til the day I snap.
...and fuckin' choke a bitch.

Whatever. My friends out here are pretty limited thus far. I need to meet more people. Lots more...

I just about had enough money to buy my Powerizers this week. I was gonna skip a week in paying Niki and pretty much spend absolutely nothing in order to get them. However, after looking online, I decided it would be better to save up and get the newer model of them, so instead of buying what I had in mind, I paid Niki anyway, bought some cologne for Victor for his birthday, and decided to save for another two weeks to get them. No matter what, I will fucking order those Powerizers by the 12th of October.

I dunno what else to write.... Actually, I do, but I better save it for later. It's getting pretty late.

à demain.
Vaniah Juniper Schwenoha