Overwhelmed

20 August 2007

3:32 PM

It's been four months since I've written.
Shit... This is gonna take awhile.

Pick up from last entry - I'm over Nikita.
•I bought flowers and set them in front of her house when she came back from her StuCo trip.
•I drove as fast as I could after school to her house to make sure she was alright after she flipped her car.
•I asked her to prom by writing a poem in sidewalk-chalk on her front doorstep:

I know you've been going through a lot of change lately
And you may not quite yet be ready to date me
But assuming you're ready to begin things anew
I'd really love to go to prom with you!

'change' is underlined because the entire thing was covered with like, $20 in pennies.
•I bought a new pair of slacks for my black suit and had them tailored the day of prom for a date with her - total cost: $105.
•I brought her flowers that night, as well.

In return:
•"It's not that I don't want to go to prom with you... I just don't want to go to prom.... We can still hang out that night and all..."
•She had dinner with Ron on prom night, while I had dinner alone at another restaurant with Chris, Niki, Dallas, and their dates.
•She left the flowers I gave her on prom night at the hotel room.
•And I didn't get my $20 in pennies back.

So, yeah... After I got super wasted on prom night with drinks including a shot of Everclear chased by a shot of Bacardi 151, hit on her, passed out, and puked on her couch, I could tell by the tone in her texts that she wasn't even considering me.

Too fucking bad for her, I say.

It's cool though. After I got over that, I started talking to one of the divers through MySpace. Ms. Laura Ernst. She attends Coronado High School, and she's entering her senior year. Anyway, we got along well, and soon enough, we started dating. I love her =)
But, I'm also leaving for college in t-minus two days =(
Here's where I sum up our relationship and how I feel:

I'm very glad I got to know her. I wish I had started talking to her during my first year of diving. She's a great person, and I know she'll make someone very happy one day... I don't want to try to hold a long-distance relationship because it's going to be her senior year and I want her to be able to have romances and dates to the dances. I want her to have as much fun as she can this year. I didn't have as much fun as I could have my senior year, so I hope she can make up for it. She thinks I'm going to forget her, but that's impossible. I'm glad this happened. I'm glad we happened. I just wish it didn't have to end.

I'll get back to my emotions in a little bit. For now, I should discuss my summer.

Summer's been really great. I've been diving, for one because I'm still trying to tell myself I have a chance of walking on at USC, but if nothing else, to keep my flexibility and get some exercise.

There have been two hotel parties this summer - both hosted by members of Team Nihar, both at these amazing hotel rooms at the top of the MGM - The SkyLofts. If you've seen Ocean's Thirteen, it might interest you to know hat SkyLofts got the Five Diamond Award this year - one of only five hotels in Vegas to get it.

The first party was for graduation. Niki and I planned it, and it turned out great. We paid for the room, left $45 on the table for the maids because we knew we fucked it up, and still had $15 to buy lunch after we checked out.

The second... Was a bit worse...
This one was entirely planned by Niki, and was thrown as a going-away party for everybody who's going out of town for college. It was held on the 30th of July - the latest it could have possibly been, because Ron left the very next morning for Seattle. This party was far more populated than the last... I literally had to hug the walls to get from one room to another. There were enough people for me to go crowd surfing in the living room. Of course, with more people come more potential thieves. To date, I know that a digital camera and cell phone were taken. Also, someone took about $150 from the money in the safe that was supposed to pay for the hotel room, and then reset the 4-digit numeric code on the safe. We had to have the locksmith come up and open it for us the next morning.

Having lost that much was enough... But it seems fate didn't see it that way.

A few days ago, Niki's mom called and told him that $2000 had been taken out of her bank account by MGM Mirage to pay for damages to the room. The report said that the limestone and carpet had to be deep-cleaned, there was fruit on the windows and walls, the walls had to be repainted, there was broken glass everywhere, the carpet was frayed, and the repairs would leave the room unavailable for four days.

Niki's mom was, understandably, upset.
She told him that she wants the money back, plus overdraft fees, within seven days, or else she'll sell his car.
As soon as Team Nihar found out about that, we've been trying to think of ways to get the money... Niki's mom called him back the next day, crying, and by demanding more than $2100, upset Niki to the point of taking a good, swift swing to his computer. He hit the side of his tower closest to the motherboard, and my guess is that he broke the motherboard, processor, or both.

Well, the best ideas we've come up with for making this money are as follows:
•Sell as much of our property as we can
•Give my mom $1000 and let her use it to play poker, with the intent of tripling it or better
•Give Niki money to play poker himself, at tables in California

The first option is in play, but isn't doing well, as most of the things I can sell are worth less than $50 each. The second can't be done until my mom is off work, those days being Wednesday and Thursday. The third is being initiated as I type this, as Niki and Chris are driving south for Niki to session and enter some tournaments.

Niki's being financially backed by Sarah Williams, mainly because Dallas is skeptical about Niki's competence in succeeding, and won't front him the money. Niki thinks Sarah, Chris, Alma and Salome are the only ones to believe he can come back with a profit. I dunno what he thinks about me, but whenever he reads this, I'd just like to let him know that I believe in him, too. He's made pretty good money playing online poker, and showed his live poker-playing skills at the poker tournament at my sister's house a few months ago, where he took third. I've known the guy the longest out of all of my friends - since third grade. I know what he's capable of.

I'm just really upset that this trouble had to come at a time like this. Two of my very, very best friends just left for a three-day trip to California in an attempt to get us out of a bind, and I'll be gone to college before they get back. I've been typing through tears since the sentence about how long I've known Niki. I can't believe I'm about to do this. Chris, Niki, and Dallas are my best friends, and I'm gonna be gone in two days to start a new life, and to make new friends. But not to ditch old ones. I'll know these guys forever. I know that. Both of my hands are numb and shaking. I'll have to pick up from this blog when I regain composure, whenever that is.

God bless, Niki and Chris.
Best regards,
Vaniah Juniper Schwenoha.

A few quick updates

7 April 2007
2:52 AM

1.) Hung out with Chris, Niki, and Jessica at Nikita's house today. We played Scattergories. Noticed the flowers on the coffee table =) They're doing well, and look even lovelier than they did when I bought them because they've bloomed more =)

2.) It's always nice to start hanging out with new people because they always bring with them new music that captures my interest and that I probably wouldn't stumble upon on my own.

3.) I'm falling for her much harder than I thought I was... I'm just so interested in her life... I want to know more =]

Actions speak louder than words, so act now.

Vaniah Schwenoha

Madness

6 April 2007

6:06 PM

That may possibly be the only word capable of describing my life right now.

Start from the end of the last blog...

About a week before the state cheer competition, I was at the gymnastic center and tried a roundoff back tuck front tuck. I came out of the back tuck super early, landed at an immense angle, and hardcore sprained my right ankle. I know, I know. I'm a badass. With the help of an ankle brace, I was able to throw a couple back handsprings and a back tuck at competition. Yay! btw, competition was so amazing! We did our best, and I couldn't be happier of my squad =) I should've gotten into cheer a few years ago...

Diving has started. I'm pretty rusty on some dives, but I've been improving. I had a personal best score the other day of about 187. The one thing that irks me is that the divers from other schools that are pretty far away have friends who come and support them at meets, but none of my friends ever come to watch, and the meets are just down the street at UNLV. Oh well.

I got accepted to USC =D
zomg, it's going to be so expensive. But, it's going to be a lot of fun, too. My mom doesn't care about taking loans or anything. She just wants me to get a good education.

More recent, more personal
A few weeks ago, Ron invited everybody to this park way out in BFE to have a party around a bonfire. It was slow to start, but once it got going, it turned out really great. Fun facts:
1.) I went and grabbed a beer, came back to the fire pit, and found myself in the middle of a game of Truth or Dare. Turns out I picked dare, and got dared by Alecs to run around the fire pit naked... which I did. rofl
2.) Ron wanted his friend to kiss somebody, so he asked me to kiss her. I said I would compromise and triple kiss his friend and another girl. They didn't want to do it, so I compromised more. In the end, I pecked Ron on the lips quickly in order to triple kiss the two girls.
3.) The second girl in the triple kiss ended up hooking up with me for the rest of the night. It was very surprising

So there was that... The next week, that girl wanted to hook up with me again. This is where things get a bit complicated...

The Friday after the bonfire party, Alexa had a small hotel room available at Harrah's that we were invited to party in. Well, it turned out to be very, very small, and there were too many people there and we were too loud, so we ended up leaving and going to Soli's house, which surprised the hell out of everybody because Soli doesn't usually condone drinking at his house. Everything was going okay for awhile. At one point, I saw the back door open, so I went out to see if anyone was there. Nikita was over by the diving board in the grass, on the phone, and noticeably upset. I didn't really want to bother her, so I went back inside. Later on, Jessica came and got me and told me to talk to Nikita because she was really sad. Turns out she and Travis had broken up the week before. You remember Travis, don't you? The guy I mentioned back in February of 2006 who I thought Nikita had a thing for...

Okay, so no big deal. I just go out and keep her company while she calms her nerves down... *pause* NOT!

We get to talking, and we're both rather drunk, so a lot of things get said. A lot of questions come out and a lot of the past gets talked about. Back in 2006, when I said I had a slight interest in Nikita... turns out she had a slight interest in me, too. If I had been more assertive back then and just let her know how I felt, I might be in a different position than I am today. Instead, I stayed silent and watched her start a relationship with Travis. It was a dick move on my part.

We talked on the back patio - a lot - and then we went back inside for a bit. Later on, Nikita came and found me because she wanted to finish our conversation. Instead of going back to the patio, we went out front. I didn't want to sit on the grass 'cause it was fairly chilly out, so I suggested we sit in Chris' car. I opened the passenger-side door for her, sat her down and started to head to the driver-side door. Well, I didn't get far from her side before she grabbed my arm and told me to sit with her on the passenger side. I made myself comfortable and enjoyed her company and the feel of her body next to mine as we talked, but I made sure not to make any moves because I knew that she was super drunk and someone would regret something in the morning. A lot more personal stuff got said, and after quite awhile, we finally went back inside.

Well, while all of this was going on, keep in mind that everybody was trying to get me back into the house because Charlene (the girl from the week prior) wanted to hang out with me. Here, we introduce my dilemma. Mind you, I hadn't been planning on having a relationship with Charlene, even before Nikita came into the picture, because she just didn't seem like my type. Well, that and the fact that she's super quiet and despises Niki because of his relations with Lucille. After I went back inside, I tried to hang out with Charlene for awhile. We ended up hooking up again, and afterward I fell asleep, only to find her and a few other people gone when I woke in the morning.

The next day, Ron, Nikita, Jessica, and Charlene came to my house and hung out for a bit. This made things awkward because both Nikita and Charlene were there, so I tried not to be too obvious of my feelings toward Nikita. However, Ron hadn't been at Soli's house the night before, so he didn't know about Nikita, and thus, he was still trying to get me with Charlene. All of a sudden, Ron got up and said he was going to meet his friend somewhere and Nikita and Jessica got up and said they were going to go home. Grrreat... I tried striking up several conversations with Charlene, but she didn't carry into any of them. Finally, she suggested we watch a movie. Don't act like you don't know why someone would suggest watching a movie alone. About twenty minutes into watching Dogma, Chris showed up from work, but he fell asleep soon after. I didn't want to lead Charlene on any longer, so I did the only thing I could do - I faked being asleep for the rest of the movie. El Oh El. After the movie ended, I drowsily woke from my fake sleep. Charlene called Ron, who was supposed to pick her up, and he said he'd be back in half an hour. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Okay, bite the bullet. I hooked up with Charlene for that half hour.

After such confusing events, I decided I needed to do something to simplify my situation. I had planned on getting to know Nikita for the next week, staying away from Charlene for the next week, and telling Charlene around Thursday that I didn't see us going anywhere relationship-wise because we didn't talk much. Well, that slow plan really went to hell when it was the next day, Sunday, and I opted to break normal Sunday routines and go with Nikita to the mall and a movie and I told Charlene online that I didn't think things were going to work out. G-fucking-G.

So since then, it's been quite interesting. I pretty much completely broke off connection to Charlene and tried talking to Nikita through texts for the next few days before she left for Winnemucca for a student council event. She was gone from Wednesday 'til Saturday - the first Saturday of spring break. I knew she was getting back late, and though she said we'd hang out if she weren't too tired after she got back, I knew she would be. I still wanted to welcome her back from her trip somehow, though, so I planned on buying a small bouquet of flowers and leaving them for her to find when she returned home. Well, I ended up falling asleep for a bit and sleeping through my alarm to let me know to leave, so at about 3:00 in the morning, I went and got the flowers, picked up an extra vase and some water I had at home, and set up the bouquet on the doorstep of Nikita's house for her to find in the morning. I left a note saying "Welcome home =)" and sent a text message with the same contents and went home to sleep. Around noon the next morning, I went to check whether or not she had found them yet, but when I drove past her house, her garage was open and someone was outside, so I just passed by. I didn't even get back to Torrey Pines before I finally got the text saying "Thanks for the flowers!" I hope they weren't wilted when she found them =)

For the first part of spring break, things went very slow and we didn't do much. Finally, Wednesday came around - the day of Dallas and Lola's combined birthday party at THEhotel at Mandalay Bay. The room was pretty nice, and there was plenty of alcohol for the crowd. I remember coming back after having picked up Chris from his house and saying that I didn't want to leave the hotel again after that. I remember that because I jinxed myself. Dallas went fuckin' crazy about some shit and ended up down in the parking garage in his car. Niki called me down, so I left the room - and Nikita - and went to see what was up. As soon as I saw his car and started walking toward it, he fucking took off. I was just about fed up with his shit, so I started walking back toward the room while Niki was going to try to chase after him. Fuckin'... I get down and out of the parking garage elevator with Brittany and Alexa... Niki's back down there too, and he wants me to drive because he's too drunk. Ugh. So we drive all the way the fuck back to Dallas' house, look there, Soli's house, and the park... not there. We drive back. It's been like, an hour or more, and now I'm definitely fed up with Dallas' shit. He ended up back at the hotel before us, too. We head back upstairs, I get out of the elevator on our floor and start walking through the hallway... If it weren't for the security guard I saw walking down the hall, Chris wouldn't have had time to explain why the first thing I saw when I got back was Nikita in his lap in the hallway. Instead, I just went in the room and QQ'd for a bit until Chris got back. He told me that he was just keeping her company because I wasn't there and that he was doing his best to compliment me in front of her. Thanks Chris.

I drank a lot of beer after I got back because I was upset about a few things, particularly things relating to Nikita, such as the whole Chris thing and the fact that Jessica came up to me and told me a bunch of shit I didn't want to hear at the time. I passed out sometime during the night from all that beer. We woke in the morning, got pho for breakfast, and all went home.

So now it's Thursday, and it's the day that Chris, Niki, and I are supposed to have our hotel party at The Signature at MGM Grand. There were a few snags getting things sorted out, including getting checked in and figuring out how our guests were going to bypass the gate into the property that one needs a valet pass to get through. Luckily, there's a walkway - be it a lengthy one - that connects the MGM Grand and The Signature and has low enough security to get people through and to the hotel lobby.

Okay. All I have to say about our hotel room is "WOW!!!" The place was fucking amazing! We were at the end of the hall in a 900-square-foot room with a kitchen complete with fridge and freezer and a comfy ass bed and a desk that had a flat-panel HDTV rise out of it and a balcony and... Ugghh!!! So awesome! People started showing up and all that jazz, and it wasn't until about 10:00 until I could finally get use of Niki's car to pick up Nikita and her friends. Once we got back, I had a few sips of beer, but before I took any shots or anything, I took Nikita into the hallway to talk to her. I let her know that I realized that the majority of the times we've hung out in the past three weeks, we've been drunk, and that when I'm drunk I say a lot of crazy shit to her regarding my feelings for her. I told her that while being drunk makes it easier to say those kinds of things, it's surely not the most effective way to tell her, so I just wanted to let her know soberly and sincerely that I really do like her, and that I understand her hesitance in engaging herself in another relationship so soon. I think I left one thing out when I talked to her. I wanted to tell her that even though she may not like me as much as I do her at the time, I just want her to know how I feel, because I let her slip away from me once, over a year ago, and I want to do as much as I can to prevent that from happening again.

Anyway, our party turned out pretty great if I do say so myself. Security came and talked to us once, but they were hella chill about it, and after that we just had people stay as far from the front door as possible when dancing and going crazy and shit. I remember focusing quite a bit on being around Nikita. I hope she doesn't get uncomfortable when I do that. Chris was super-cool wingman again and convinced Nikita to sleep on my bed at the end of the night. I also remember waking up first and watching Nikita sleep for a little bit before I got up and started walking around. She's so beautiful =)

I need to go back a night. When we checked into the hotel, we looked around a bit in the kitchen cabinets and stuff and found, tucked away in a corner of a cabinet, a small nugget of weed. Now that I've filled that in, I can let you know that while cleaning up the room this morning, I decided to look on top of the shelving and stuff for things. Totally unexpected, I found a pipe and lighter on top of the television shelving unit in the living area! Then, just for the hell of it, Niki looked on top of the kitchen cabinets... and found a bong! Wow! Holy hell, did we pick a room! We're gonna sell 'em to help reimburse us a little for the room, considering it cost $650 after alcohol and mixers.

Okay. Filled in the blanks. Pew Pew. Just wanna thank Niki's mom for renting the hotel rooms for us, my friends for being super badasses and helpin' me in my social life, and Nikita for hanging out the past few weeks =)

Starting to take my own advice:
Actions speak louder than words, so act now.
Vaniah Schwenoha

I need this

17 January 2007
1:09 AM

Two and a half months between entries feels so much longer to me for some reason.

Almost all other blogs I read have stopped, so at least I'm not alone. Two of those blogs' most recent entries are before the dramatic changes of a breakup. Unfortunately for me, my relationship status hasn't changed since my last, most-aggravated, entry.

I just read that entry, and wow. I'm hella sorry for being such a dick in that one. I hope nobody read it and wanted to kill themselves afterward.

Two and a half months is a lot to cover. Let's begin.

I finally started applying to some colleges. I did an on-site with UNLV at my high school and got accepted (surprise). The only benefit of going there would be how little it would cost my parents. The only other school as of right now that I've finished applying to is USC. That one got done the weekend before the deadline. Smooth, huh? I waited too long to apply, because the deadline for potential scholarship applicants was the 11th of December, as opposed to the regular application deadline of the 10th of January. I had one of my old English teachers and my Chemistry teacher write my letters of recommendation, but the scholarship counselor wanted to help me out as well, so she wrote one. Of course, I had never held a conversation with her before, so she called me into her office one day to get to know me and decide what she wanted to put into her letter. I had never been interviewed like that. She asked me quite a few personal questions, and I guess I just wasn't expecting it. For my entire life, I've always had a hard time sticking up for myself, and it really showed when the counselor had my friends leave the room to ask about my personal life and what goes on in my home. If you asked me why I got so teary-eyed, I couldn't tell you. It could be because I was just nervous and unsure of discussing that kind of information with a near-stranger. It could be that I had never myself thought about those aspects of my life, and having to state them out loud brought it all home for me to comprehend.

So what'd I tell her? I told her that my friends keep me together, and that without them I'd probably have absolutely nothing. I told her that in my house, my mom's the bread-winner while my dad's the moral support. For Mom, the main goal is to make money. "Show me the money." For Dad, it's a struggle to be positive when that's all Mom thinks about. He's there though, and I do appreciate it, no matter how little I show it.

What about me? For me, it's all about enjoying what you do. I've brought up the concept of being a professional diver for a performance like 'O', but whenever I do, my mom just writes it off because she doesn't think it'll make enough money. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me. It'd be what I love to do and I'd get paid for it. What more could I want? The body has its limits, however, and after long enough, an education in my second interest, computers, would be best. That's what college is for.

The counselor wrote a really good letter. Ten minutes of honest conversation yeilded a more meaningful letter than either of the ones from teachers I had had class with for two years.

Next topic.

I like cheer. It's been a very bumpy ride with all our letdowns and such, but it really does feel good to be part of a team. Sure, I was considered part of the swim team the past two years in diving, but I never talked to or hung out with any of the swimmers. It's much different with the cheerleaders. I am really pleased to have a team for once in my life.

School is up and down, as usual. I do the work that needs to be finished, but that's about it. All the procrastination brings one of those weeks where you have to just sit down, shut up, and work, work, work. I uhh... I think I decided to go through that week some other time, haha. Semester exams are this week, and I hope I can pull my ass out of the fire and get some A's. That'd be nice. If you read this, it would be much appreciated if you would talk to me every once in awhile and make sure I'm on track with my work. I can't juggle forever. I need to learn.

Well, that summarizes my life as of right now. Eat, sleep, school, cheer, repeat. When necessary, replace eating with something more productive.

Now for the personal input...

I had to go to the bank today and deposit money in my mom's account. While I was there, I couldn't help but notice the decorations. But why? Then it hit me - Valentine's Day is in less than a month.

Oh fuck.

I need to do something about finding a girl. There's one girl that I'm interested in who I talk to more than anybody else. She's a sophomore - when I finally looked around this year, I realized that as long as you're in high school, there really aren't age boundaries between people anymore... Getting off subject... Anyway, she's pretty cool, and seems to have some of the same interests that I have. Now it's just a matter of mustering up the ambition to do something about the things I feel.

Man, I wish I had more time to do these. They really help me organize my thoughts and feelings. If you don't hear from me for another three months, I'm sorry, but I'll try to get back.

New closing:

Actions speak louder than words, so act now.
Vaniah Schwenoha

Pride in oneself: More complicated than it sounds

5 November 2006 (Remember remember, the fifth of November)

1:33 AM

...I don't even know where to start.

I suppose I should try to pick up from my last post, however long ago that was.

My mind is off Fran. I made a habit of checking her page frequently after I put her on my Top Friends list on MySpace, so in order to break that cycle, I simply took her off that list. We barely ever talk anymore. I don't really mind. I've come to the conclusion that people who claim to be bi are really homosexual, but haven't come to terms with it completely yet. Excuse me for being so blunt.

I joined the 'stunt team' at my school... Yes, stunt team means cheerleaders. I am a dedicated cheerleader at Durango, and I couldn't be more proud of it. If you can't fathom the concept of Vaniah being a male cheerleader, then you should stop reading this blog and get the fuck out of my life. Thanks.

It's really a lot of fun - and harder than you'd imagine it to be. When you're at a game and you see those girls lift one of their own in the air, you don't really think about how hard it might be to lift and balance that weight. Now I know from experience. I'm a back spot, and it's hard work, especially when the others know what they're doing and you are the newby, who's trying to figure out what you're doing wrong. Also, I used to be confident in my tumbling. Now all I can think of is how I do everything wrong and how I wish I could fix it.

My classes are getting harder. Every weekend, I tell myself that I'll sit down and concentrate on the work that needs to get done. It never happens, and it's probably going to be my downfall in this upcoming quarter. I even skipped a day of school just yesterday because I didn't have my homework done. Not only did that make me feel incompetent, but I felt even worse when my mom wouldn't let me go to the school later that day to go to practice. It's one thing to let yourself down. It's completely different when you're part of a four-person stunt group and your teammates can't practice efficiently because you're not there. I hate the feeling of letting others down.

I intentionally hooked up with someone last weekend for the first time in my life. The major problem with it though is that the girl likes me. A lot, apparently. Just tonight, my friend came up to me and told me that I need to stop leading her on, because it's tearing her up inside. I wish it were just that easy to listen to myself from the inside. In truth, I can't tell you what the fuck my deal is. I could sit here and tell you like all the others that I just haven't given myself the time to think things through and consider the pros and cons of the girl and her qualities. I could mention that other girls run through my mind possibly more often than she does, particularly a girl on the cheer squad, who may be the first black girl I've ever considered myself physically attracted to - something that I find intriguing on my part. I could tell you, as I just told my friend no more than ten minutes ago, that there are times when I just don't think this girl is my type, whatever that may be, because of the things she does or the way she acts. But the thing is, I'm sure everybody's fed up with my excuses. I can't fucking tell you what's wrong with me. Everybody seems to like this girl but me, and it's so hard to dig deep down inside and find the answers as to why. In all honesty, I don't know.

Am I afraid of committing myself again? Am I just interested in partying with people all the time and being free enough to dance with whoever I want and to look at whoever catches my eye? If so, then why am I constantly thinking, "When will that girl come along? The girl who steals my soul and who I give everything to... The girl I love enough to lose my virginity to..."

I really didn't think I could place this many sporadic thoughts into such a comparatively short blog, but I think I've done it. I credit the alcohol in my system with such an accomplishment.

Best of luck...

Take it easy, but strike hard [If I'm not going to, then someone has to]
Vaniah Schwenoha

So Yeah

21 September 2006 - 11:30 PM

It turns out keeping her off my mind is much, much harder than I imagined...

Over the weekend, I found a few songs that just fit me right now. They are "Worry About You" by Ivy, "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, and "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt.

I think about her just as much now as before homecoming, if not more. Those songs give me that kind of feeling you get when you're with someone you love.

Is love too strong a word right now?

Here we go again, back to basing the extremity of emotion on time.

You should let me show you me.
You should let me love you.
Before the time comes that we go our separate ways.
Before I lose my mind.

My name is Vaniah Schwenoha, and I believe in hope.
I believe in chance.
I believe in love.
Could you believe in me?




On a separate page, I want to mention in here that I am registered to participate in America's Walk for Diabetes on Saturday morning. If you can spare the money, it would be much appreciated for you to sponsor me. Just search Durango, find my name, and click the 'Sponsor Me' button. Sponsor me and I'll... sing a song for you to the best of my abilities. Yes, the song can be of your choosing. No, I can't guarantee that you'll be thoroughly satisfied. Still, the money goes toward a good cause, and if you sponsor me, I'll wear a shirt during the walk that extends special thanks to you for your donation.

Thanks for reading. It means a lot.

Vaniah Schwenoha

You can’t avoid being on the receiving end 100% of the time

18 September, 2006 - 9:00 PM

Read on, dear children…

Eighteen days. So much has happened in the past eighteen days. I’ll try to pick up where I left off, but truth be told, I can only really remember the highlights of the past eight days…

School has been a bit tiresome. This is mostly my fault. Over the first weekend, I was supposed to compose a project for English in which I find quotes from famous writers or philosophers and use them to describe me as a person. Well, it wasn’t until the night before the project was due that I decided to start. It took at least five hours to find good quotes, select the ones I liked best, find pictures to match the quotes (some of which I took that night), and compile a video. It was lucky that I didn’t count on not having to present the next day, because after I managed to save a good file, the video editing program that I was using came to its 30-day trial period expiration. If I had waited another day, I’d have had to use Windows Movie Maker, which is much less efficient at editing, at least when it comes to picture slideshows. The best copy of the video that I could save is here. I actually liked doing this project. It would’ve been much better though if it didn’t leave me awake until 4:30 in the morning. The next day, I was able to get my hands on Chris’ laptop and present the video to the class. I received 100% because of the visual aide used.

Other than that project, I’ve just been procrastinating everything. My sleep schedule’s all fucked up. I tend to sleep in the day and work at night. I really need to find a schedule where I’m not winging it every night, scurrying to finish homework that should’ve been done days ago. I’m still not caught up in French, which, by the way, I totally forgot over the summer. Mitch, Mike, and I have made our best efforts to continue what is basically my only physical workout by going to SkyMania every Friday. I’d have to say that the first significant event since my last blog was when I asked Fran to homecoming. With it being the technological age, what better way to ask her than through MySpace? Haha! I couldn’t just leave any ordinary comment, though, so I went down to the store to get some Post-It Notes and cut together this video. I left her the comment on the Thursday before homecoming week, but didn’t get and answer until the next Monday because she had to talk to her parents about it. So what was her reply? Gee, why don’t you click the link to my MySpace on the side of this blog, view my pictures, and tell me =P

So now it’s the Monday before homecoming. As always, this means that it’s the day of the Powder Puff football game! I was a cheerleader again, since it’s always fun to make an ass of yourself in front of your peers and total strangers. Besides, I was there to cheer on my homecoming date, who played in the game =D

Like last year, I attempted and executed a new trick this year. I can now do a round off back tuck. Last year, I learned to do consecutive back handsprings. Justin and I also did this cool thing where we roll over each other. It sounds weird, but trust me, it looks hella cool. The cheerleading coach saw me flipping and asked me to come by one day and try tumbling with them. I’m still thinking about it. I need more stable time management first. The game ended in a tie, which I thought was extremely gay. I think it’s the first time in Durango history that that’s happened. We should’ve gone into overtime… After the game, Cody took me home.

I forgot to mention that last week, I was nominated by my Government AP class to be homecoming king. Voting for court was on that Friday, and voting for king and queen was on the following Tuesday.
I wasn’t on court =(
Fran was, though, which was pretty cool because she got a free ticket to the dance (I sound hella cheap here. Sorry).

Tuesday was the student-teacher kickball game, which I think we lost. I didn’t go. Wednesday was the student-teacher basketball game, which I also didn’t attend. I hear that the students won, but someone rigged the scoreboard to give the game to the teachers. Thursday was our first assembly schedule and pep assembly of the year. It was good overall, but very fast-paced. I understand that we only have about 35 minutes, but when you start singing The Star Spangled Banner while people are still walking in, I think you’re taking it a little too far. We got out a few minutes before the school day was supposed to end, anyway. Friday, we had what was called a pep rally in the courtyard. It turned out really shitty, and I hope we never do one again.

Here come the majority of activities, and in such little time. Right after school, I went with Chris and Billy to a movie. We saw The Black Dahlia. It was a pretty good movie. Afterward, I walked a few doors down to buy a corsage for Fran. Last minute = not such a good idea. Seriously, how smart was it to buy a corsage from a florist on Sahara and Fort Apache? After my purchase, we went to the tailgate party in the school parking lot. Here is where the night seems to fall apart horribly, though I still don’t feel all that bad about it for some reason.

Friday was a particularly windy day. So windy, in fact, that by the time we got to the school, the senior homecoming float was obliterated. It didn’t even end up getting driven around the track. Juniors won both float and hallway decorations. I didn’t feel like paying for the game, so I hopped the fence in one fell swoop. It was either here, when I was kneeling to take pictures of the game, or just stupidly watching the game while sitting that my PSP managed to leave my pocket. Near the end of the game, I noticed the soft case still in my cell-phone pocket, but the PSP not in the soft case. There went at least $350, not to mention the huge set of songs I had prepared to play in the hotel room on Saturday. Take that and factor in that we lost the game by a touchdown. Fran didn’t win homecoming queen. Ally LaRoque and Luis Marin were the king and queen. Overall, not such a lucky night. I still don’t know why I don’t seem to care that much. Hopefully I’ll have money sometime in the next year to buy a new PSP, haha…

It’s now Saturday. I set my alarm for 10:30, but didn’t get out of bed for at least another fifteen minutes. First task was to get the car washed. Who wants to wear a suit and drive around in a shit-covered vehicle? After I got home, I continued with a few more details on the car, and then showered at 2:00 to get ready because my mom was going to shower at 3:00 to get ready for work, and I wouldn’t have had enough time if I had showered after her, especially since I had to take her to work. After I did take her to work, I picked up Chris, my corsage, and then the night officially started when we picked up Nickie, Chris’ date for the night.

From there, we went to Lotus’ house, where everybody was supposed to meet to get on the party bus. Neither I, Chris, nor Nickie were scheduled to be on the party bus. Why were we there then? Well, I actually was scheduled to be on the bus, but so were Fran, Azaria, and Leon. It wasn’t until earlier that afternoon that we confirmed that none of those three were going to be able to get on the bus because of scheduling problems. Well, I didn’t want to leave Fran without her date for the majority of the night, so I pulled out of being on the bus. What about Chris and Nickie? Well, I’m the one that hangs out with Chris more than anybody else who was going to be on that bus, and because I wasn’t going to be on it, it would’ve been that much more awkward for Chris to be there, since he wasn’t going to drink or anything like that. Chris is discovering his transportation situation in the same way that you are, by reading this blog.

We still haven’t addressed why I was at that house. Well, like I said, it wasn’t until just a few hours prior that it became clear that there were going to be four less people on the bus than planned. So four times the $45 each it was supposed to cost… The group was short $180. This was in large part my fault because I assumed the group knew that Fran, Azaria, and Leon weren’t going to be on the bus. I felt bad for this, so I agreed to help make up the difference by giving Lotus $100 to help pay for the bus. After hanging out there for a little bit, Chris, Nickie, and I left and went to Fran’s house, where I thought I’d be picking her up. Things once again didn’t go according to my plans. We still have video of her walking down the stairs and of me putting Fran’s corsage on, but it was still decided that Fran and friend Kristen would be leaving the house in Fran’s dad’s Ford Mustang Cobra, which her dad would be driving. It was a bit weird driving around without my date, but hey, whatever. Everywhere else I went I was close enough to her =)

So, after taking pictures in front of an awesome car, we took off for the dance. I felt like a dick trying to keep up with a Cobra in my Explorer, but whatever. At least my car looked good – just washed =D
We were at the dance from 7:00 to 9:00, whereupon we left right after the first slow dance for our reservation at Ricardo’s for dinner. That was one of the funniest dinners I’ve been to. The highlight of it was when Azaria wanted to get a picture of her taken with her hands forming the initials ‘C.M.’ Well, from the front, your right hand is supposed to form the C. Azaria clearly thought differently, and we argued for at least five minutes on the matter, laughing the entire time. She still wasn’t convinced after we took a picture and showed it to her. Desperate, she called to the waiter and asked, “Is this a C?” while holding her left hand up in front of her. To this, the waiter replied, “That is a hand.”
We were almost on the floor in laughter =D =D =D
What was worse that when he actually did decide to cooperate, he took her side. Haha! Finally, we all agreed that your right hand is the one that forms the C. This is where Azaria tried to prove her point further by holding up her left hand and exclaiming, “Yeah! This is my right han…”
She was quiet after that for quite some time. Haha!

After dinner, we took a few more pictures in front of the restaurant, and then we left to go cosmic bowling. Chris Schroeder joined us then, as he had been bored all night. We had enough time to bowl one game. I broke 100, which pleased me, and what pleased me more was that the DJ played a couple slow songs, which left opportunity to dance with Fran more intimately…

When we were leaving the bowling alley, I decided to try something that I had seen in a video before. I’ll let you watch it here, and then you can read on. It was pretty cool, but I ripped my pants and slammed my knee pretty hard when I came down on the rigid metal platform. It was after that when the security guard who was standing at the bottom of the stairs checking IDs asked me if I was leaving. When I replied that I was, his response was “Good. Next time you do that, you’ll get cited for trespassing.”

I was still waiting for more friends to get down the stairs and discovering the hole in my pant leg when the security guard insisted I leave. So, I was pretty much forced to the door by a sour face, helpless to say goodnight and goodbye to Fran, who had to go to the other side of the building to get picked up by her dad. I tried meeting her over there after I got in my car, but she had left. When one of the bike cops saw me still driving around in the parking lot, he started chasing me down, as if he could’ve caught me if I were trying to escape. No matter. I was on my way out of the lot anyway, and he stopped following me when I got to the driveway.

I took Nickie home first, then Chris, and then I had unfinished business to attend to. I made my way up to Fran’s house and called her, which may not have been the best idea, considering I only have her house phone number. She came outside, no longer in her dress. We talked for a quick minute; I let her know I had a good night, and would very much like a good night kiss. Perfect end to a perfect night =D

After leaving Fran’s house just moments later, I picked up Mitch and Matzke and we headed to the Tropicana, where the hotel party awaited us. Yes, even though I paid for a bus that I wasn’t on, there was no way I was going to miss out on the hotel I helped pay for. Chris Schroeder was already there. There was tons of alcohol left, which we were still not able to finish by the end of the night. I actually ended up taking as much home as I could without looking too bulky in my suit. The room was in the perfect spot, as we were able to get a 270º view of the corner of The Strip and Tropicana. I took quite a few great pictures. Besides that, the party was… unforgettable. There were so many hilarious instances that it’s hard to recount them all. Here’s one that I uploaded. I may upload the others later, so keep an eye out on my MySpace.

I always manage to break something at hotel parties. Last time it was the bed frame, this time I knocked over a hookah and coal went everywhere, burning the carpet. Chris ended up breaking that hookah later that night. We went to sleep at about 4:00 AM and had to wake up at 9:00 to check out.

Whoo! I have officially deemed the night of September 16, 2006 as the best night of my life!~!~!

The couple days following that were not eventful at all in comparison, but I do need to close this blog with some clarification. Not knowing for a fact, but hopeful that I wouldn’t be pursuing any young women other than Franchesca anytime soon, I changed my status on MySpace to ‘In a Relationship’ last night. Well, today, Fran and I messaged each other, and she let me know that even though we got really close Saturday night, she isn’t looking now for a relationship, and that she was sorry if she led me on too much.

=/

Shitty, for lack of a better word, but not the crux of my virtues. If you will notice, the meaning of my blog title always comes near the end of the entry. If I were to take this extremely harshly, I’d be a hypocrite. In the past year, I have done the same thing to two undeserving young ladies that has been done to me. I’ve never felt good about it, but I tried to get on the same page as the other as soon as possible in order not to cause more emotional upset. As the general cliché of ‘What goes around comes around’ finally gets back to me, I get the same feelings as I inflicted on those two girls. This is why I again feel the need to apologize to Lilian and Chrissy for my misleading actions. You two may have forgiven me or forgotten about it because it’s not a memorable recollection, but I still want to say sorry.

There ends the fifth page of this exciting and joyous remembrance of one of the best weeks of one of the supposed best years of my life. I hope all of you who went to homecoming had just as great a time as I did, and if you didn’t go to homecoming, then I hope you are with me when prom rolls around and the night is even more memorable.

Take it easy, but strike hard.
Vaniah Schwenoha

Taxi!!!

31 August 2006 - 4:02 AM

This could be the most random collection of thoughts ever to enter my blog, so bare with me... Also, if I offend anybody in this blog, especially toward the end, I'm sorry. I just need to vent somehow on what I've been feeling...

Sorry I haven't written in three weeks (Wow. That's probably a new high score for me). It's just that... whenever I write in my blog about any type of relationship that might be building between me and another, it angers the Heavens, and all seems to fall apart before anything good ever happens. I suppose I'm ready to reflect on things now.

An hour and a half after I last blogged, I went to the indoor rock-climbing center with Chris, Michelle, and Michelle's brother to meet up with my brother and sister. Overall, the experience was good for the guests I brought, at least as far as physical health goes. Right before closing, I decided to start tumbling, since the ground there is cushy, and I usually have more confidence to do so. Well, I got a roundoff and three consecutive back handsprings in, but on the fourth back handspring, I decided to go ahead and attempt the full flip without using my hands. That was a bad idea, to say the least. I ended up not having enough time, and when my body came down to the ground, it landed on my left hand, which ended up being bent back extremely far, thus spraining it. It was sore and swollen for a number of days, and since then, I've just been trying to regain the strength it once had. It's almost back to normal. I'm not sure if I'm going to try any handsprings anytime soon, though I'd really love to if I knew I could.

The day after all that nonsense, I went to the mall with Chris and Sexton to buy some new shoes... I should probably mention here that earlier in the day, Michelle called Chris while he was at my house and broke up with him. Don't ask me for all the details. It's not my deal. You can read Chris' or Michelle's blog if you want more details. Okay. Back to the mall story... I bought a new pair of black shoes, as I always get, and finally bought a pair of white shoes for the first time since when I was a kid and bought my shoes at Payless. While I was in the DC store trying on these shoes, I couldn't help but admire how cute one of the employees was. I thought about it even after I left and bought a pair of basketball shoes at the Nike store that I could use to jump at SkyMania. Finally, just before we left the mall, I mustered up the courage to go back in and ask her if she wanted to come to Mitch's party the next night. She said she worked 'til 10:00, but that she would try to stop by, so I gave her my number and Mitch's address on a piece of paper.

Yeah, it's probably true that she gets that kind of thing a lot from people who are much more confident than me, and she probably threw that piece of paper away within ten minutes, but the point was that I had never just gone up to a total stranger and asked them for a chance to get to know them better. I did happen to catch the girl's name, as the employees have to wear name tags, and it was easy to remember because it was a variation of Cecilee, and you should all know what kind of issues I've made for myself with that girl. Anyway, her name was Cecilia, and for me to be able to spell it really helped when I went on MySpace that night and searched for her. I searched within 50 miles of my zip code. Ten pages of results came up. I clicked on each page so I could start at the end and just hit the back button as I looked for her, but luckily, on the last page, one of the results had a DC image for her headline. Bam! First profile I click and it's her. So yeah. I sent a few messages to this girl who goes to Eldorado High School (doh!) and still thought I'd have any way of dating her. Soon enough, though, we stopped sending messages to each other, and that was pretty much the end of that.

There's one woman for you. Another would be Cecilee again, who I was told had broken up with her boyfriend. A blog or two on her MySpace make it seem like she's heartbroken, but she still has pictures of her and him up and her MySpace still says she's in a relationship, so I have no idea what's up with her. When you really think about it though, we live more than ten miles away, and I have no idea if another long-distance relationship would work out. Besides... I know how hard it is to get back into the game after a heartbreak.

I finally got the right people to read this blog, but that really didn't do what I thought it would. In my last blog, I was trying to say that I knew and accepted that Mitch and Sarah were probably going to go out again. After they both read my blog, though, they backed off each other so they wouldn't upset me. Dur, I'm a retard. I suppose things worked out for the best in that situation, because both Sarah and Mitch are involved with other people at the moment, and both seem to be happy about it, especially Mitch =)

"So where does that leave you, Vaniah?"

Well, apart from all those stories of failed attempts at emotion, there is one lone girl who I've actually been talking to for a couple weeks, and she actually goes to my school, which is pretty cool. She was one of those MySpace friends who I added just because I recognized her from a few functions at school, but she's pretty damn cute if you ask me. One day, I replied to one of her bulletins, and in response, she let me know that she thought I was hot. Well, what a coincidence, because I think the same of her ;-) Anyway, we've been talking a bit, and though the last couple of weeks haven't presented the opportunity for us to hang out, I think things may settle in the next few weeks, what with school starting and all, and she and I will eventually bond. The wording in that sentence doesn't quite set right with me, but the thought puts a smile on my face nonetheless =D Have you met Franchesca Rivera?

Whew! All that just to tell you about my situation with girls. Moving on...

Mitch and I got drunk the other day with some friends. It was his first time in eight months and my first time since the first day of summer, and we made the most of it by hanging out and laughing our asses off. Soon, I'll post pictures we tried to take that didn't turn out as well as we had planned, haha!

I wanted to go to Starbucks in the morning at least once this summer, and I was planning on telling some people to go two days before school started. Plans changed however, when Jessica took it upon herself to tell everyone to go just one day before school started, as she was under the impression that it was tradition to go the day before school started. It has never been tradition to do that. My friends and I just went sporadically during the summer, for the sake of getting out of the house and hanging out with each other. That was years ago though, and our old rituals have faded. So Jessica invited some people, and it turned out to be okay, I suppose. I hadn't slept the night before because I was up drinking with Mitch, so when we got back to my house, I crashed for the rest of the morning. Everybody was gone by the time I woke up, and Jessica had left a note on my computer telling me how she thought Starbucks was a success... Well dur. It's not like we were launching the first rover to Venus. I wouldn't say it was a success because it's not supposed to be a task to get your friends together and have a good time. I just think it was nice to see some people and to joke and laugh with them.

Let's see... other significant events... The first day of school was today, and I thought it went rather well. I have some classes with people who I met through Mitch, which is pretty cool. I have some other classes with friendly new faces, which I didn't think was possible after three years at the same place. Also, some people are in my classes who haven't been in a class with me for three or four years. It's pretty sweet. I still have a conflict with my schedule, as I might be dropping Tech to take a fine arts class such as Photography. We'll see how that works out. I'm gonna have to really consider my options this weekend.

After school, there was an actual tradition to be carried out, and that was that I go with my friends to Baja Fresh for lunch as I always do after the first and last day of each school year, ever since the last day of eighth grade.

Okay. Here's where the blog might get offensive to some people.

The title. There's a reason for my blog title. It fucking sucks being the taxi. The part that bothers me is not the fact that I have to give my friends rides. What does bother me is that I'm giving them rides because they don't have licenses. We're seniors. Most of the people I give rides to are older than me. I've had my license for over a year now. Why have these people not gotten their licenses yet? I always hear excuses about how time didn't permit them to go down to the DMV and get their permits early enough and blah blah blah. You know what? Those aren't reasons. My dad's pretty busy all the time, and my mom sleeps in the day. But do you know how nice it is to be able to drive yourself around as you please? Do you know how hard I fought to get my permit and later my license? I knew that a license would mean freedom, so I insisted my dad take me as soon as possible for my permit. It's not like it's a great strain on the parent. All they have to do is sit in the waiting room for an hour or two and sign the consent papers. Then when it came time to get my license... I scheduled an appointment myself, and went in to test. When I found that I couldn't test because I had a brake light out, I was pissed. I could either reschedule for an entire month later or come in on standby the next day. Well, guess which one I picked... We got the car fixed that very day and I went to the DMV the next day before the place even opened, and I was still eighth in line. But you know what? It was fucking worth it. I don't have to ask people for rides everytime I want to go somewhere, and I love it. If there's one thing I made sure to prepare for, it was the freedom to drive. Get off your ass and get your license as soon as possible.

...Meh. I just needed to get that one out. I was thinking about it earlier as I drove people home. I had just been woken up, so it made me a lot crankier, and allowed me to really think about how ridiculous it is that I have to drive these people everywhere.

Alright. I think I hit most of my major points. The next few things will be short and very random, but significant in some way...

I go to SkyMania all the time and never really hurt myself there, but it was last week when I was playing Twister with some friends that I dislocated my knee again. I was pissed. I really need to see the doctor about that MRI I took.

If my mom gets caught up on all her car payments, my brother David will give me his old truck so he can buy a new car. That'd be awesome because it's only a two-seater, and I won't be the taxi anymore. I'll also probably get way better gas mileage than 15 mpg, like the Explorer gets.

On the way out of Wal*Mart, there was a new pillow still in its packaging just sitting in front of the car next to me. I now have a new, fluffy pillow =P

I didn't want to go to Terrible's to get my car washed because it never gets all the bird shit off the top of the car, so I stayed home and washed the car myself. It took a couple hours because I was being meticulous about it. Two days before school starts and I've got a freshly washed car. What happens an hour later? Mitch and I get back from Arby's and he decides to throw his cup of soda in the middle of his street. It must've hit the fucking top of my car, because when I went outside later, all exposed sides of the fucking car were covered with the dried soda. Mitch gave me $10 to get a new car wash, but it'll probably cost me $15, not to mention I didn't have a clean car for the first day of school. Thanks, Mitch, for being a fucking retard about that drink.

^Okay. That one wasn't short. Just another long expression of rage^

And last but certainly not least...

... When I fall asleep wrapped around my body pillow, I'm thinking of Fran =) =P =D

Take it easy, but strike hard.
Vaniah Schwenoha

Just Friends

9 August 2006 - 6:07 PM

Did you guys ever see that movie? It was good... Funny, too...

I guess I thought more people read this thing than actually do. You see, last night, I had some people over to go swimming. One of those people was Sarah. "That's good," you might say - at least, if you've been reading these things - but after you found out that another one of those people was Mitch, you'd probably tell me I'm retarded.

I was never that great of a flirt. It may have something to do with me not getting into a relationship with someone until after 7th grade, but whatever. It was apparent, however, that I wasn't my normal self last night. Chris saw it because he reads my blogs when he knows there's a new one and Sexton could see it even without knowing about my blog entirely. I suppose it didn't catch Sarah's attention because she was flirting with Mitch all night.

I thought to myself that this couldn't really be happening between them again, first of all because whenever Mitch isn't around, Sarah appears to be disinterested in him, and second because Mitch has been hung up on this girl Stephanie for the past few days. Now, don't get me wrong here. I do think Mitch is a pretty cool person overall because he's fun to hang out with and all, but when it comes to women, after watching his past two relationships, I just don't see him settling down anytime soon.

That's the way it went, though. When Sarah fell for Mitch over eight months ago, she fell hard, and since then, she hasn't really moved on, regardless of how much she looks like she has. All doubts were written off when I looked back at Mitch's conversation with Sarah last night after we took her home. Consider that a note to all of you that if you talk to someone on AIM and want to keep the conversation between the two of you, either ask me to move it or delete it yourself... Sorry for being a sneaky asshole, but at least we skipped the confrontation step.

So, straight from Bruce Almighty, that's the way the cookie crumbles. I'm sorry if you think that I shouldn't take this lying down, but to be honest, I've never understood the concept of fighting for a girl. If you're working extremely hard to win her over another, then you're trying too hard. You might want to ask me "What if she's the one?" Well, then she'd be able to see me for the loyal and caring man that I am - or at least try my best to be. A woman's choice between two men is hers alone, and she'll always pick the one that best fits her at the time.

Back to being the good friends we are.
Back to the drawing board.

I remember when I was a kid and my big brother was my influence. I remember when I played with action figures and Hot Wheels and such. I remember learning to ride a bike and how to rollerblade and how hard I thought it was going to be to swim in the deep end. I remember when the only love I knew was for my Sunday morning cartoons [because I remember never having gone to church as a child - that'd explain why I'm Agnostic, if you're wondering]. I remember when I didn't have girls on the mind all the time.

When can I love a woman like I loved my childhood?

It may sound odd to you, but before I go to sleep every night, I always end up wrapped around my body pillow. I always imagine myself falling asleep holding a girl. A lot of the time, it's not one girl in particular over and over again; just whoever is on my mind at the time. It's not until I take the time to write about it that I realize how many girls run through my mind. Meh, it's hard to explain.

I'm not depressed. I'm just bored with the single life.

Take it easy, but strike hard.
Vaniah Schwenoha

P.S. - Happy Birthday, Niki!

Clever lines to weave my web of thoughts

3 August 2006 - 11:27 AM

They say lightning never strikes twice in the same place...
Well, that myth certainly doesn't apply to car crashes. In the past two weeks, I've gone to pick up my mom from work in the morning and found that cars had collided on eastbound Flamingo just near The Rio. Two times, the accident was on Hotel Rio Drive and Flamingo and once it was a short distance behind on Valley View and Flamingo.

The worst drivers are Asians and women...
And that's why it's hysterical that the accident that involved three cars also involved two women and an Asian man.

Can't we all just get along?
Just because the accidents stopped doesn't mean there is no more tragedy in the world. I took my mom to the Gold Coast one morning to cash her paycheck, and while waiting outside for her, I watched three Asian men get into a fight. It seemed that they knew each other prior, but were very mad about something; I'll never know what because I just sat in the car and watched as casino security broke it up.

Do unto others...
Because I'd love it if my friend cooked me dinner and brought me and my girlfriend together. Of course, that would mean finding a girlfriend first. But, that's not what this section is supposed to discuss. I'll get to that later.

Chris Yi had a bad day about a week ago. His house got broken into and he spent the rest of the day at home because of it, thus making him feel unproductive. After hearing about it all, I thought it would be a good idea to do something to cheer him up. What better way to make a guy happy [without being gay] than food? So I went to the store, spent about $14 on two steaks, two potatoes, and a cheesecake, and stored it for the next day. Why enough food for two? Because my evil scheme also involved Chris's girlfriend, who apparently hadn't spent any time with Chris this summer. That part was a plus. Next was the issue of a table. As you may know, my house doesn't have a dining table. This is due to the fact that we don't have enough open space for a dining room. Meh. That meant that I'd have to go and borrow Chris Schroeder's dining table again, as I'd done it once to cook dinner for a girlfriend quite awhile back.

So as it went, I picked up Chris's girlfriend Michelle, had her keep me company as I prepared dinner, and set her up with everything ready in my brother's vacant room. Then I picked up an unsuspecting Chris, made idle conversation on the way over, and completely took him aback when I opened the door to my brother's room. The timing worked out perfectly for me to leave them alone, too, as Jessica had invited me to a movie that night. Of course, I forgot to tell them about the cheesecake in the freezer downstairs, but whatever. Needless to say, they were happy to spend time with each other again.

Ahh, yes... The apple tree scenario...
You'd only understand that if you'd ever read that analogy about how women are like apples on a tree and men are far too cowardice to work toward getting the best ones at the top. Now, I'm not saying that it's too much work for me to climb to the top [what with being a ninja and all, haha], but there does happen to be something obstructing my path: a gate. This is ironic because the same term will work in the analogy as in my actual situation. I've made many attempts at having Jasper hang out more, but either she truly is too busy on her own or she doesn't have any interest in me, so she makes herself busy in order not to have to tell me directly that I've got no chance. As for the gate, I'm talking about the one around her neighborhood that stops me from making random appearances in front of her house to spend time with her, since the only time she seems to ever have alone is at night. Anyway, the long and short of this is that it's too hard to try and keep up with someone's extremely busy summer vacation schedule. If she's going to keep giving me responses like 'maybe' when I ask her if I can take her to a movie sometime, then it's a bit hard to ever make plans for a date.

Secret Window
No, I never did see that movie. I just thought it was clever because you're staring at an application window right now [be it Internet Explorer or that cockface FireFox], and you're about to read on and discover what I've kept secret for quite a long time, at least in comparison to my entire life. What if I made this like a real journal? What if, instead of stumbling upon it under my bed, you found all thoughts and emotions right here on this page? And instead of having to sneak glances at it while I wasn't looking, you're able to read on and discover what really makes me tick just by being considerate enough to take time out and read this blog. The catch is that I'm going to ask you to be kind enough not to talk about what I write unless the person you're talking to has read it as well, and only of their own volition; not because you asked them to read it so you could both understand.

So now we're up to date. And the secret is this: Before I went out with Marlena, the choice in my mind was either her or... Sarah Fulco.

Surprised? If not, I'm sorry I'm so transparent.

Yeah, that's the shocker for today. After Marlena and I started going out, it wasn't long until Sarah started going out with Dallas, and I always wondered what would've happened if I had ever made a move on her instead of Marlena. Don't get me wrong; I was very happy with Marlena while we were going out, but after I was single again, I thought about it. And I think about it today. Meh. It's hard to describe how it's just a 'back of the mind' kind of thing.

Don't you love the 'what if's?

Alright. I think I'm done writing for now.

Take it easy, but strike hard.
Vaniah Schwenoha

Epiphany

27 July 2006 - 5:01 PM

I was just out in my backyard lying on my now-broken diving board, trying to get a feel for the essence of how I've been spending my time this summer, and suddenly, a few things occurred to me. One realization was that this is the first summer in my high school career that I've been single for the majority of. Though I'm confident that being with friends has aided my situation, I suppose the days just seem longer when you're not with that someone special, but thinking of a potential special someone.

This brings me to my next thought: Jasper. I wanted to call her to talk, but knew I didn't know what to talk about. I realized I've fallen again for a girl who I knew three years ago, but the fact of the matter is that I've done so in the three days I spent with her this summer. I know nothing about who she is inside; about the intricacies of her heart and soul. All I know is that she's smart, pretty, and fun to hang out with. I suppose that's about as much knowledge as anybody has when they find themself attracted to another for the first time, if not more, but how am I ever going to find out if I really like this girl unless I engage in conversation with her more than I have been?

So I told myself I'd call her. I sat awhile and contemplated what I'd say to her to try and break open the shell of my thoughts and emotions. I'd tell her that it doesn't make me happy to sit on the sidelines and that I want to start being in control of how well I get to know someone. I'd tell her that I want to get to know her and find out if she is really the person I would like to imagine she is. I'd ask her where she is in relationships and why she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. If I scared her a bit a few days ago when I told her she makes me feel like she did when we were in 8th grade, I didn't mean to...

I called. The background was loud, and it was hard for her to hear me. We hung up because she said she couldn't talk at the moment.

So much for coming on strong =/

When will you hear me?
When will I just let myself go?
When will I just let my life flow?
When will my eyes clearly see
where my heart's supposed to be?
When will they hear me?

My final thought is this: I've been writing in this blog long and often enough. Significant doesn't usually come day-to-day; it comes with those momentous occasions that make you feel weightless and lively. I feel I've written enough daily entries to depict the way I lived in my high school years, and they will be sufficient to remind me of what has been deemed 'back in the day' by those who choose to reflect on their childhoods ['back in the day,' by the way, was a Wednesday, if you didn't know... lmao Dane Cook]. So, unless I find myself extremely bored in the future, I will most likely abandon my habit of writing about the many days I go to SkyMania and the times when people spend the night at my house. Instead, I will try to write about the days that I do something new or meet someone spectacular who has the potential to change my life forever, either in miniscule or extreme circumstances.

I feel good to have written a very meaningful entry in my blog. I hope to have more like this in the future.

Take it easy, but strike hard.
Vaniah Schwenoha

Shit shit! Who the fuck is shooting us?!?! Oh well... Fire missles!!!

20 July 2006 - 6:23 AM

Man... Another two-week absence. Sorry if you're a dedicated reader... I'm also sorry if I completely forget the events of a few days and don't write about them...

Friday, July 7th
We were supposed to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie - 'we' being me, Mitch, Sexton, Niki, Chris, Nicole, Billy, Jessica, and some others. Well, like I said, we were supposed to see it... but didn't. It turned out that it was sold out for the time we were supposed to watch it, and every time after that for two hours after. I'm glad Chris and Niki were there to find it out because it saved me the trip up there in my car. I still haven't seen the movie. If you want to go with me, let me know.

Saturday, July 8th
Wow... A Saturday and the eerie thing is that I have no records from the day. No AIM logs, no phone calls, nothing... Now that I look at the AIM logs from the day after, I realize Mitch called me again because his computer took a shit on him again. Every time it tried to start up, it would come up with the BSOD, or the Blue Screen of Death to you who have no idea what I'm talking about. After about an hour of fucking around with it, I finally got one picture of the screen as it flashed on the monitor for a split second. Just to show you how fast it went, consider this picture and how it took 25 consecutive shots within a matter of seconds. Notice how only the last one shows the monitor. Anyway, I actually think I started working on the computer on Friday night and I didn't get it finished until late into Saturday night. After I finished it, I finally gave in to Mitch and Sexton and we went down to the Gold Coast for what they like to call Two-Dollar Breakfast, even though the meal we all got was $3.55. Whatever.

Sunday, July 9th
My mom gave me $100 to go grocery shopping and finally get some food in our house. My dad, Mitch, and Sexton went with me to get the stuff. We spent about $104. Whew. I dropped Mitch and Sexton off at Mitch's house after because they were supposed to be going somewhere with some other friends that night and Will Dickstein invited me to go to SkyMania with him and his friends. I met with them at Joey Indivino's house, which is pretty nice, if I do say so myself. I ended up driving my car down with Willy and John in my car while the other five went in Will's Cadillac. Travis also met us there. After half an hour, my diver friend Mike showed up as well. Things went well. Afterward, I took my passengers to 7-Eleven while the guys in the Cadillac went back to Joey's house. When we showed up, they were getting ready to go swimming. I had to drive home to get my swimsuit and chamois, and when I got back, there were only a couple people in the pool. The rest were setting up to smoke hookah. I sat around with everybody until I had to go home at about midnight.

Monday, July 10th
I guess I didn't have much to do, so I put on the DVD player and watched Superman The Movie in my room. When night came around, Mitch, Sexton, and Keisha picked me up and we drove up to the pool at Palo Verde. Yes, the pool was closed at 11:00 PM. Yes, we still swam. We had to wait until after the custodian left the building, but that wasn't too bad. It was good to get back on a springboard, but because I hadn't had much practice and because it was night time, some of my dives were pretty bad. I tried teaching Sexton a hurdle, but he kept collapsing his chest. He's going to need quite a bit of work when the season comes around.

Tuesday, July 11th
The first thing worth mentioning is that one of the guys I met at Presidential Classroom called me at 10:45 and woke me up because he forgot that he was three hours ahead of me. He was also talking about calling people in Hawaii, which definitely would've been fucked up considering that we're three hours ahead of them, which would make him their personal wakeup call at 9:00 in the morning. Moving on... I had far too many activities planned for today than I even had time to organize. First, I still wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean. Mitch wanted to go to SkyMania as well. Because I wanted Niki to go to both with us, I had to work those two things around when Niki and Lucille bought some RAM for Lucille's computer. Yes... She's going to start playing WoW. ~sigh~

I also need to point out here that when I read Niki's most recent blog post, I found that he had seen quite a few movies already this summer with Chris, Nicole, Dallas, and Brittany, but I was never aware of any of them. This upset me quite a bit. I really don't like how my old friends are drifting away from me as they are.

Anyway, it turned out that Lucille wasn't ready in time for us to go to a movie early enough to leave time for SkyMania, and Niki knew that if he went with us to SkyMania later on, he wouldn't jump anyway because he's such a computer geek that he doesn't enjoy physical activity, so in the end, I drove over to Mitch's house and Keisha drove Mitch, Mike, Sexton, and me went to SkyMania. Once again, Keisha didn't jump, but she volunteered to record us again. I brought my dad's tripod because Keisha's hand isn't that steady. We'd have had some good video if the asshole employee hadn't been there to tell us to stop doing things that are only dangerous to the people who aren't there at least once a week like we are. We only had a few decent videos as a result.

We were going to go swimming at my house afterward, but never did. I got back to my house a little before they did, and when they did show up, they let me know that the moon was red. I thought it was awesome and tried to get some pictures, but it wasn't working from the view I had from my window or even my backyard. Finally, I climbed onto my roof, set the camera on the air conditioner for stabilization, and got a few decent pictures such as this one. Finally, I came back in and we got something to eat in my kitchen. Keisha left around midnight and Mitch and Sexton spent the night. We watched The Hills Have Eyes on DVD.

Wednesday, July 12th
At 2:00 AM, I checked my email and went to Las Vegas Movie Insider to see if there were any free showings coming up. What I found was a printable flyer for a free sneak preview of Clerks II. I was very excited, and then I became nervous when I realized that the date of the showing was today! Even worse was the fact that the showing was at 10:00 AM. I texted people who I thought might be interested, but only got a few responses. The people who ended up going were me, Mitch, Sexton, Sarah Fulco, and Niki. Billy and Chris Schroeder were supposed to go, but I guess they weren't allowed in the end, and forgot to let us know. Mitch, Sexton, and I watched Clerks before we went so Sexton would know what the thing was about. I fell asleep near the end because I had been up all night. The movie was hilarious, and it is very likely that I will end up paying to see it after it premiers.

Chris got back into town from San Diego today. We caught up a little online, and then I picked him and Mitch up and we went to Fry's to buy Mitch a new fan for his power supply because the one he had was missing a blade, which threw off its balance and made it loudly vibrate a lot. I just need to add in right here that when we took our fan of choice to the desktop computer area and requested to take the power supply out of a computer the size of Mitch's, I realized the true lack of professionalism of some employees, at least near closing time... See, they wouldn't let us take the computer apart, but a man that tried to help us heard our story and saw our fan and said something to the effect of "You wanna put that fan in a power supply? That's a big ass fan!" Hahaha! Awesome. I did my best to keep that comment in until we left the store. The fan took awhile to put in because we kept having problems with the power and BIOS, but eventually it worked. We hung out at Mitch's house for a little while, but as time passed, I took Chris to his house and returned home myself.

Before we went to Fry's, my dad pointed out that there was a sparrow with a broken leg in a bucket next to our house. I took it out and put it next to the tree in my front yard. After leaving Fry's but before we went to Mitch's to install the fan, we ended up back at my house and hung around it while we tried catching crickets to feed to a gigantimous black widow spider that had made its home near my Trans Am. Before we left to Mitch's, I pulled some bread out of the refrigerator and broke it into pieces for the bird to eat. When I came home at the end of the night, though, I discovered the bread gone and the bird dead =( My conclusion was that either the bread was bad (considering it was weeks old) or that it expanded in the bird's stomach because it was bread in general. Anyway, I had to pick it up with a plastic bag, tie it off, and place it in the trash can to be taken out in a couple of days.

Thursday, July 13th
My parents woke me up and asked me if I wanted to go with them and pick my grandfather up from the hospital again. I was tired, but I know how little time I might have left with my grandfather before he passes, so of course, I went with them. This time, he seemed to be in much better condition than when we picked him up the first time. After we got back and ate dinner, my mom wanted me to take food over to him, so I did, and after that I filled up the tank over by Durango High School and picked Chris up on the way home. We hung out, looked through some pictures, and watched a rerun of USA's new original series, Psych. After I took him home, I got back home and started catching crickets again, still trying to feed that black widow. I must've caught like, 30 crickets that night because they wouldn't stay in the web. I also realized that I am a little more ninja than I thought, considering I was able to catch about 30 crickets easily. I even caught one in mid-air and didn't even touch the ground with my hand. Needless to say, I was impressed with myself. After I finally crushed one by accident but it was still alive, I got very close to the spider itself and gently dropped the cricket into the web. Then I took pictures. This is probably the best one right here. After all that, I started reading the owner's manual that I downloaded for my digital camera and discovered some things that I didn't know before.

Friday, July 14th
I had to wake up at 9:00 to go down to Bernhard & Williams to take my senior pictures. They charged me $27 to take them and be able to view them online. I lost another $2 because I didn't have $27 on me and had to go across the street to a non-WaMu ATM to get $20 out. I must've spent half an hour watching Independence Day while I was waiting there to get the pictures taken, but when I got in there... Bam! Done with 15 pictures in less than 5 minutes.

Will Dickstein called me and invited me for sushi, and because it was Friday and my dad had the car for work, Will had to come pick me up. The first place we went to happened to be jam-packed, so we ended up down on Tropicana and Jones and ate at Sushi Factory. I saw and visited a little with some friendly faces that I hadn't seen since the school year ended. After dinner, I had Will drop me off because I was under the impression that I'd be able to meet Michelle Jensen down at the bowling alley like we had agreed... I turned out to be way late. Instead, Dallas came over to my house and we hung out for the first time in too long. Billy, Chris, and Niki were supposed to come over too, but never found the time, I guess.

Saturday, July 15th
Once again, Mitch's computer broke. He had some trouble finding his music. Somehow, his computer made all his music folders hidden folders and files. I ended up controlling his computer through Remote Assistance and fixing his apparent problem. Then I went to take a shower. When I came back out, Mitch called me and told me that after he restarted his computer, he got the BSOD yet again! He brought the shit over and I ended up trading him hard drives because one that I had still had his music on it from the last reformat. I hope it doesn't have anymore problems for a very long time.

Sunday, July 16th
Not much here. I spent the day lollygagging (haha) around and cleaning my house in preparation for a Clerks II movie marathon that was supposed to include all films written by Kevin Smith prior to Jersey Girl.

Monday, July 17th
My dad woke me up 15 minutes before 7:00 asking if I had picked up my mother from work yet. She called ten minutes later, just in time for me to get her before my dad left at 7:30 to meet a friend for breakfast. Afterward, I couldn't sleep, so I just started doing things around the house such as a little more straightening up before people came over. Somehow I ended up playing around with all my remaining hard drives that weren't being used and I tried them all in a computer that was lacking one. Two of them were out, and are pretty much just good for shooting as of right now. The third and last one though is the one that intrigued me. It was about 2½ GB in size... only a small amount of space larger than the Memory Stick Pro Duo in my PSP right now... Anyway, I never thought much of it before because it lacked the available space to run any modern-day operating system, but I decided to plug it in anyway.

...It started up...
...With Windows 95.

Holy shit! It was actually trying to start. It had a hell of a time installing all the new hardware because it was in a foreign computer, but it actually made it to the desktop after awhile. I was amazed. I tried making a network setup disk so I could try to use the internet, but it turns out those setup disks only work on Windows 98 and up. After that, I just turned it off, still amazed that I had a computer that ran Windows 95. Yeah, I know. I'm a nerd. Thanks.

After all that goofing around, I went with my dad to Wal-Mart, where we picked up a check for $1000 written out to J.E.T.S. This was his first government grant and he wanted me to take a publicity picture of him receiving it on behalf of the company. That was a quick errand, followed by a stop at Niki's house to pick up a DVI to VGA converter that would allow me to plug in an extra computer monitor to my computer if it was necessary during the party. Finally, our last stop was to pick up Jasper Lee, an old friend from middle school who I hadn't seen since the first week of the summer after 8th grade. It was a journey to find her house because my directions led me to the residents' gate of her gated community and then there were quite a few twists and turns to get to her house. I didn't get her phone number from her before I came over, so I grabbed my 8th grade yearbook on the way out the door because I knew she must've signed it with her number back then... The story between us is that we were getting pretty close to each other at the end of 8th grade, but when she went to Korea for a month in the summer, we became more distant, and by the time she got back, the fire was gone...

Sure enough, the number was in the yearbook, and it was still her current cell phone number. She hadn't been expecting me to be outside, or even past the gate and into her neighborhood, for that matter. Warning: Romantic sentiment ahead ~ She looks better than ever. She doesn't have braces anymore, she's taller and more defined than she used to be, and if I may add, she only needed to be sitting in the car for five seconds before the entire vehicle was filled with a lovely smell of perfume or body spray...

~ahem~ Back to the blog and out of my own little heaven...

We weren't back at my house long before Willy and Chris showed up, later to be joined by Mitch, Sexton, and after we got in the pool, Courtney. Mitch and Sexton hadn't slept in two days, so once we put on Clerks, which they had just seen the week before, they went into the other room and fell asleep. They were in need of it so badly that after the movie, they couldn't be awakened by us to go out for lunch. I just left them there in the room while the rest of us took a short trip to Pho Saigon 8 - Jessica Williams and Cayla were dropped off by Robert just as we were leaving, and they joined us as well.

Upon return, Willy took off. We hung out a bit more, and somehow, Chris Yi miraculously managed to get Chris Schroeder to respond to an IM for the first time in months. As soon as he found out that I had made contact with such an old friend as Jasper, he and Billy were emphatic to make an effort to make it to my house - this is in total opposition to when Billy told me he might come Tuesday, but wouldn't be able to make it Monday, most likely because they were playing WoW. It still took them a couple of hours to finish in their game and make it over. They had just shown up with James and Kit when I was on my way out the door to take Jessica and Cayla home. When I got back, they were in the pool - while it was raining, mind you... I gave in to temptation - and the fact that Jasper was getting in as well - and got dressed to get in the pool again. We had some fun, but when the rain started coming down hard, we concurred that it was time to get out. A little more hanging out and it was time for me to leave the house again to take Jasper home.

It was raining pretty hard, and I wanted to be very gentlemanly about my actions, so I grabbed my umbrella on the way out the door and held it over Jasper as I opened her door for her. We got up to Torrey Pines and watched as a fire truck went by. Just after I turned onto the street, I got a call from Jake, who had just seen me from Walter's house and thought I was crazy for driving in such bad weather. Just as I was on the phone with him, I saw where the fire truck was headed. In the backyard of one of the houses behind the ones on Torrey Pines, a palm tree was bright and violently blazing. I told Jake, who then insisted on driving out to see it. We told each other to be careful driving and that was that. On the way up Flamingo, the light on Buffalo was out, which turned it into a four-way stop. There, I called Chris Yi and told him to turn off my computer in case of a power surge. As I spoke to him on the phone, some idiot in the left-turn lane would not go, so I finally went before him (or should I assume her?). I got Jasper home safely, watched her go in, and then drove back toward home, this time going down Spring Mountain. The light on Buffalo and Spring Mountain was out as well, likewise with the light on Spring Mountain and Tenaya. Finally, I made it home, safe and sound.

I started cleaning up to keep the house ready for the next day of friends and movies. For some reason, I ended up looking out my front door. This is when I discovered that my front driver side tire was very low on air. I pumped it up and rolled the car out of the driveway to find where something might be stuck in the tire. It turned out that the tire was so old that it cracked, leading the air out of it.

Tuesday, July 18th
Nobody had shown up at 1:00 for the second day of movies. I took Mitch home early in the afternoon to shower and change. When I took my mom to work, Chris went with me so we could pick up a game from his house and return it to GameStop. As we got back home, Jasper pulled up with Tamella, another old friend who I hadn't seen in more than three years. We went inside, where Mitch wanted me to pick him up again. I was on my way out the door when I thought about the three remaining cracked tires and the dirty ass spare tire on my car. At this thought, I went back upstairs and asked to borrow Jasper's car. To my surprise, she trusted me with the keys and told me not to crash it. Wow. That was easy... "Long time, no see... can I borrow your car?" Haha! Anyway, this was also an unintentional way of ensuring that she didn't leave before I got back, since Tamella was supposedly due back home soon.

When I showed up at Mitch's house, he came out first, and we waited a few minutes for Sexton. As we waited, we looked around Jasper's car. There was this small plastic helicopter clipped in front of one of her air-conditioner vents. We noticed some small white spheres inside and wondered what they were. When we found a small bottle of them in the center console as well, Mitch asked me to try one, since they smelled good and were about the size of mints.
...They were air fresheners.
Haha! That would explain why they were in the helicopter that was in front of the vent. Wow. I'm not stupid, I swear.

We played Scrabble while waiting for them, and I won in the end. Surprise. I was up by like, 50 to the second place person, too. I think it was Jasper. After the game, it was really time that Tamella get home before getting a beating. After that, more people slowly started showing up. Once it got around 7:00 or so, we started watching Mallrats. After the movie, I took Sexton to Mitch's house so he could get picked up by his girlfriend. She called and thanked me for letting him borrow my phone and for driving him over. After I returned home, my friends and I shared stories with each other and talked for hours on end.

Wednesday, July 19
None of us woke up until 1:30 at earliest. This might have something to do with going to sleep at 6:00 AM, but I could always be wrong. Keisha picked up Mitch and they went somewhere, which left me and Chris hanging out for awhile. I took him home around 7:00 so I could meet with my brother David and my sister to go rock climbing. I might start getting involved in it more because it really helps my upper body while SkyMania helps my legs. While there, I decided to try a back flip because the ground was a little padded. I landed it a couple of times. A few more practices and I might have the balls to try it on the ground. After leaving, I made a phone call to Jasper in an effort to let her know that she's been on my mind and I invited her to go swimming with me, what with me being all sweaty from climbing and all. All effort aside, it was just too late for her to be able to leave the house without getting shit from her parents =

You'd think that I wouldn't be too busy in the middle of the night like this. Well, if you did think that, you'd think wrong. The time that the site says and the time that I put at the top of this entry are so far apart because I had to take two breaks so I could pick up my mom from work and then go grocery shopping with her at 5:00 in the morning. Finally, though, it's done. Congrats again for making it through seven and a half pages of text. I won't keep you much longer...

Take it easy, but strike hard.
Vaniah Schwenoha