Madness

6 April 2007

6:06 PM

That may possibly be the only word capable of describing my life right now.

Start from the end of the last blog...

About a week before the state cheer competition, I was at the gymnastic center and tried a roundoff back tuck front tuck. I came out of the back tuck super early, landed at an immense angle, and hardcore sprained my right ankle. I know, I know. I'm a badass. With the help of an ankle brace, I was able to throw a couple back handsprings and a back tuck at competition. Yay! btw, competition was so amazing! We did our best, and I couldn't be happier of my squad =) I should've gotten into cheer a few years ago...

Diving has started. I'm pretty rusty on some dives, but I've been improving. I had a personal best score the other day of about 187. The one thing that irks me is that the divers from other schools that are pretty far away have friends who come and support them at meets, but none of my friends ever come to watch, and the meets are just down the street at UNLV. Oh well.

I got accepted to USC =D
zomg, it's going to be so expensive. But, it's going to be a lot of fun, too. My mom doesn't care about taking loans or anything. She just wants me to get a good education.

More recent, more personal
A few weeks ago, Ron invited everybody to this park way out in BFE to have a party around a bonfire. It was slow to start, but once it got going, it turned out really great. Fun facts:
1.) I went and grabbed a beer, came back to the fire pit, and found myself in the middle of a game of Truth or Dare. Turns out I picked dare, and got dared by Alecs to run around the fire pit naked... which I did. rofl
2.) Ron wanted his friend to kiss somebody, so he asked me to kiss her. I said I would compromise and triple kiss his friend and another girl. They didn't want to do it, so I compromised more. In the end, I pecked Ron on the lips quickly in order to triple kiss the two girls.
3.) The second girl in the triple kiss ended up hooking up with me for the rest of the night. It was very surprising

So there was that... The next week, that girl wanted to hook up with me again. This is where things get a bit complicated...

The Friday after the bonfire party, Alexa had a small hotel room available at Harrah's that we were invited to party in. Well, it turned out to be very, very small, and there were too many people there and we were too loud, so we ended up leaving and going to Soli's house, which surprised the hell out of everybody because Soli doesn't usually condone drinking at his house. Everything was going okay for awhile. At one point, I saw the back door open, so I went out to see if anyone was there. Nikita was over by the diving board in the grass, on the phone, and noticeably upset. I didn't really want to bother her, so I went back inside. Later on, Jessica came and got me and told me to talk to Nikita because she was really sad. Turns out she and Travis had broken up the week before. You remember Travis, don't you? The guy I mentioned back in February of 2006 who I thought Nikita had a thing for...

Okay, so no big deal. I just go out and keep her company while she calms her nerves down... *pause* NOT!

We get to talking, and we're both rather drunk, so a lot of things get said. A lot of questions come out and a lot of the past gets talked about. Back in 2006, when I said I had a slight interest in Nikita... turns out she had a slight interest in me, too. If I had been more assertive back then and just let her know how I felt, I might be in a different position than I am today. Instead, I stayed silent and watched her start a relationship with Travis. It was a dick move on my part.

We talked on the back patio - a lot - and then we went back inside for a bit. Later on, Nikita came and found me because she wanted to finish our conversation. Instead of going back to the patio, we went out front. I didn't want to sit on the grass 'cause it was fairly chilly out, so I suggested we sit in Chris' car. I opened the passenger-side door for her, sat her down and started to head to the driver-side door. Well, I didn't get far from her side before she grabbed my arm and told me to sit with her on the passenger side. I made myself comfortable and enjoyed her company and the feel of her body next to mine as we talked, but I made sure not to make any moves because I knew that she was super drunk and someone would regret something in the morning. A lot more personal stuff got said, and after quite awhile, we finally went back inside.

Well, while all of this was going on, keep in mind that everybody was trying to get me back into the house because Charlene (the girl from the week prior) wanted to hang out with me. Here, we introduce my dilemma. Mind you, I hadn't been planning on having a relationship with Charlene, even before Nikita came into the picture, because she just didn't seem like my type. Well, that and the fact that she's super quiet and despises Niki because of his relations with Lucille. After I went back inside, I tried to hang out with Charlene for awhile. We ended up hooking up again, and afterward I fell asleep, only to find her and a few other people gone when I woke in the morning.

The next day, Ron, Nikita, Jessica, and Charlene came to my house and hung out for a bit. This made things awkward because both Nikita and Charlene were there, so I tried not to be too obvious of my feelings toward Nikita. However, Ron hadn't been at Soli's house the night before, so he didn't know about Nikita, and thus, he was still trying to get me with Charlene. All of a sudden, Ron got up and said he was going to meet his friend somewhere and Nikita and Jessica got up and said they were going to go home. Grrreat... I tried striking up several conversations with Charlene, but she didn't carry into any of them. Finally, she suggested we watch a movie. Don't act like you don't know why someone would suggest watching a movie alone. About twenty minutes into watching Dogma, Chris showed up from work, but he fell asleep soon after. I didn't want to lead Charlene on any longer, so I did the only thing I could do - I faked being asleep for the rest of the movie. El Oh El. After the movie ended, I drowsily woke from my fake sleep. Charlene called Ron, who was supposed to pick her up, and he said he'd be back in half an hour. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Okay, bite the bullet. I hooked up with Charlene for that half hour.

After such confusing events, I decided I needed to do something to simplify my situation. I had planned on getting to know Nikita for the next week, staying away from Charlene for the next week, and telling Charlene around Thursday that I didn't see us going anywhere relationship-wise because we didn't talk much. Well, that slow plan really went to hell when it was the next day, Sunday, and I opted to break normal Sunday routines and go with Nikita to the mall and a movie and I told Charlene online that I didn't think things were going to work out. G-fucking-G.

So since then, it's been quite interesting. I pretty much completely broke off connection to Charlene and tried talking to Nikita through texts for the next few days before she left for Winnemucca for a student council event. She was gone from Wednesday 'til Saturday - the first Saturday of spring break. I knew she was getting back late, and though she said we'd hang out if she weren't too tired after she got back, I knew she would be. I still wanted to welcome her back from her trip somehow, though, so I planned on buying a small bouquet of flowers and leaving them for her to find when she returned home. Well, I ended up falling asleep for a bit and sleeping through my alarm to let me know to leave, so at about 3:00 in the morning, I went and got the flowers, picked up an extra vase and some water I had at home, and set up the bouquet on the doorstep of Nikita's house for her to find in the morning. I left a note saying "Welcome home =)" and sent a text message with the same contents and went home to sleep. Around noon the next morning, I went to check whether or not she had found them yet, but when I drove past her house, her garage was open and someone was outside, so I just passed by. I didn't even get back to Torrey Pines before I finally got the text saying "Thanks for the flowers!" I hope they weren't wilted when she found them =)

For the first part of spring break, things went very slow and we didn't do much. Finally, Wednesday came around - the day of Dallas and Lola's combined birthday party at THEhotel at Mandalay Bay. The room was pretty nice, and there was plenty of alcohol for the crowd. I remember coming back after having picked up Chris from his house and saying that I didn't want to leave the hotel again after that. I remember that because I jinxed myself. Dallas went fuckin' crazy about some shit and ended up down in the parking garage in his car. Niki called me down, so I left the room - and Nikita - and went to see what was up. As soon as I saw his car and started walking toward it, he fucking took off. I was just about fed up with his shit, so I started walking back toward the room while Niki was going to try to chase after him. Fuckin'... I get down and out of the parking garage elevator with Brittany and Alexa... Niki's back down there too, and he wants me to drive because he's too drunk. Ugh. So we drive all the way the fuck back to Dallas' house, look there, Soli's house, and the park... not there. We drive back. It's been like, an hour or more, and now I'm definitely fed up with Dallas' shit. He ended up back at the hotel before us, too. We head back upstairs, I get out of the elevator on our floor and start walking through the hallway... If it weren't for the security guard I saw walking down the hall, Chris wouldn't have had time to explain why the first thing I saw when I got back was Nikita in his lap in the hallway. Instead, I just went in the room and QQ'd for a bit until Chris got back. He told me that he was just keeping her company because I wasn't there and that he was doing his best to compliment me in front of her. Thanks Chris.

I drank a lot of beer after I got back because I was upset about a few things, particularly things relating to Nikita, such as the whole Chris thing and the fact that Jessica came up to me and told me a bunch of shit I didn't want to hear at the time. I passed out sometime during the night from all that beer. We woke in the morning, got pho for breakfast, and all went home.

So now it's Thursday, and it's the day that Chris, Niki, and I are supposed to have our hotel party at The Signature at MGM Grand. There were a few snags getting things sorted out, including getting checked in and figuring out how our guests were going to bypass the gate into the property that one needs a valet pass to get through. Luckily, there's a walkway - be it a lengthy one - that connects the MGM Grand and The Signature and has low enough security to get people through and to the hotel lobby.

Okay. All I have to say about our hotel room is "WOW!!!" The place was fucking amazing! We were at the end of the hall in a 900-square-foot room with a kitchen complete with fridge and freezer and a comfy ass bed and a desk that had a flat-panel HDTV rise out of it and a balcony and... Ugghh!!! So awesome! People started showing up and all that jazz, and it wasn't until about 10:00 until I could finally get use of Niki's car to pick up Nikita and her friends. Once we got back, I had a few sips of beer, but before I took any shots or anything, I took Nikita into the hallway to talk to her. I let her know that I realized that the majority of the times we've hung out in the past three weeks, we've been drunk, and that when I'm drunk I say a lot of crazy shit to her regarding my feelings for her. I told her that while being drunk makes it easier to say those kinds of things, it's surely not the most effective way to tell her, so I just wanted to let her know soberly and sincerely that I really do like her, and that I understand her hesitance in engaging herself in another relationship so soon. I think I left one thing out when I talked to her. I wanted to tell her that even though she may not like me as much as I do her at the time, I just want her to know how I feel, because I let her slip away from me once, over a year ago, and I want to do as much as I can to prevent that from happening again.

Anyway, our party turned out pretty great if I do say so myself. Security came and talked to us once, but they were hella chill about it, and after that we just had people stay as far from the front door as possible when dancing and going crazy and shit. I remember focusing quite a bit on being around Nikita. I hope she doesn't get uncomfortable when I do that. Chris was super-cool wingman again and convinced Nikita to sleep on my bed at the end of the night. I also remember waking up first and watching Nikita sleep for a little bit before I got up and started walking around. She's so beautiful =)

I need to go back a night. When we checked into the hotel, we looked around a bit in the kitchen cabinets and stuff and found, tucked away in a corner of a cabinet, a small nugget of weed. Now that I've filled that in, I can let you know that while cleaning up the room this morning, I decided to look on top of the shelving and stuff for things. Totally unexpected, I found a pipe and lighter on top of the television shelving unit in the living area! Then, just for the hell of it, Niki looked on top of the kitchen cabinets... and found a bong! Wow! Holy hell, did we pick a room! We're gonna sell 'em to help reimburse us a little for the room, considering it cost $650 after alcohol and mixers.

Okay. Filled in the blanks. Pew Pew. Just wanna thank Niki's mom for renting the hotel rooms for us, my friends for being super badasses and helpin' me in my social life, and Nikita for hanging out the past few weeks =)

Starting to take my own advice:
Actions speak louder than words, so act now.
Vaniah Schwenoha