Tomorrow

2010-03-04

4:03am

Would you believe me if I told you that when I said "To be continued tomorrow" at the end of my last entry, that I had intended to title my next entry 'tomorrow?' Yeah, me neither, but it was worth a shot. Anyway, let's hit a few points, probably as randomly as we can.

School is so taxing. I want to do well, I really do. It's just that there's always so much to do all at once. I can't concentrate on every subject at once, and because of that, every grade suffers. I honestly think that I'd rather take a five classes separately, which last only 1/5 as long as a semester, than take five classes all at once over the span of the entire semester. The workload just piles up, and I end up missing one class because I need to finish homework in another, and then to make up for the work in the class I missed, I end up neglecting work in yet another class. This cycle repeats itself until finals week, and then I pretty much stare blankly at all of the material I'm supposed to already know and I start learning it a week before I get tested on it. It gets much harder as I progress in courses here, because everything is getting so much more complex.

Kickbacks here in LA aren't the same as kickbacks back home in Vegas. Most of the ones back home are people talking and hanging out, listening to whatever music they feel like listening to on that particular night. Here, people converse, but there's such a different mood to it. At least half the people you're hanging out with here are thinking to some degree about hooking up at the end of the night, and if you can't dance to the music, it's not coming from the stereo. And by 'dance,' I mean 'grind.' I just had a conversation with one of my friends tonight about how he wants a lot more girls to come by for kickbacks. Being a guy, of course I agree that more female company is welcomed, but really... If they come, I want them to come to enjoy our company, not as potential hookups. If a couple guys get lucky, then that's great, but let's make comradery our primary goal of the night.

For anybody who was wondering who I was talking about at the end of my last entry, it was Melissa. There were some other girls I wanted to hang out with, too, but that was mostly because I thought they were cute, and didn't have anything to do with how well (or not) I can hold a conversation with them. Melissa was both - cute and conversational. I told her about it after I came back to LA, and that was basically the end of it, as it usually is between us. One of us always tells the other that we like them, but most of the time neither of us tells the other until after the fact. It's a fun game of tag, I suppose.

That trend was broken just recently, when she and I discussed how we feel about each other. The results of that discussion are still tough to process. She likes me, but isn't ready to move on. Does that mean I should wait? What about this girl in LA who I've been talking to? I like her, too, but aside from a little online conversation last semester, I didn't start talking to her until my fraternity's date dash, which essentially 'nudges' us into being social. Then again, I asked her instead of any of the other 250 girls I know at USC. More than that, I already said it - I like her. She's nice to talk to, she's not superficial, and I enjoy her company when we hang out.

On the other hand, I feel the same about Melissa. I know from the past that I can be just friends with Melissa if nothing happens, but does that hint that I subconsciously want nothing to happen, or am I just okay with settling? If it's the former, then I should just accept that we're friends; but if it's the latter, then how can I let this opportunity pass? What happens if it's the latter and I'm proactive about it? Will the distance concern me? It's as if I'm debating having a friend in Melissa and something more with Lauren, or having a friend and something more with Melissa. Two months ago I wanted to be moving on and involved with someone. Now I feel like I'd be less concerned on my own. Luckily I'm getting pretty good about suppressing my concerns, and just seeing how things play out.

I've been going through some of my old conversations with people lately. They're pretty entertaining to read. Some are funny because the dialog is just quick and witty, and some are funny because I can't believe the garbage my friends and I have said to each other, and how we're still friends after all of it. I should pick some good conversations and send them in emails or Facebook messages to the people I had them with.

I need a new closing signature...