17 January 2007
1:09 AM
1:09 AM
Two and a half months between entries feels so much longer to me for some reason.
Almost all other blogs I read have stopped, so at least I'm not alone. Two of those blogs' most recent entries are before the dramatic changes of a breakup. Unfortunately for me, my relationship status hasn't changed since my last, most-aggravated, entry.
I just read that entry, and wow. I'm hella sorry for being such a dick in that one. I hope nobody read it and wanted to kill themselves afterward.
Two and a half months is a lot to cover. Let's begin.
I finally started applying to some colleges. I did an on-site with UNLV at my high school and got accepted (surprise). The only benefit of going there would be how little it would cost my parents. The only other school as of right now that I've finished applying to is USC. That one got done the weekend before the deadline. Smooth, huh? I waited too long to apply, because the deadline for potential scholarship applicants was the 11th of December, as opposed to the regular application deadline of the 10th of January. I had one of my old English teachers and my Chemistry teacher write my letters of recommendation, but the scholarship counselor wanted to help me out as well, so she wrote one. Of course, I had never held a conversation with her before, so she called me into her office one day to get to know me and decide what she wanted to put into her letter. I had never been interviewed like that. She asked me quite a few personal questions, and I guess I just wasn't expecting it. For my entire life, I've always had a hard time sticking up for myself, and it really showed when the counselor had my friends leave the room to ask about my personal life and what goes on in my home. If you asked me why I got so teary-eyed, I couldn't tell you. It could be because I was just nervous and unsure of discussing that kind of information with a near-stranger. It could be that I had never myself thought about those aspects of my life, and having to state them out loud brought it all home for me to comprehend.
So what'd I tell her? I told her that my friends keep me together, and that without them I'd probably have absolutely nothing. I told her that in my house, my mom's the bread-winner while my dad's the moral support. For Mom, the main goal is to make money. "Show me the money." For Dad, it's a struggle to be positive when that's all Mom thinks about. He's there though, and I do appreciate it, no matter how little I show it.
What about me? For me, it's all about enjoying what you do. I've brought up the concept of being a professional diver for a performance like 'O', but whenever I do, my mom just writes it off because she doesn't think it'll make enough money. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me. It'd be what I love to do and I'd get paid for it. What more could I want? The body has its limits, however, and after long enough, an education in my second interest, computers, would be best. That's what college is for.
The counselor wrote a really good letter. Ten minutes of honest conversation yeilded a more meaningful letter than either of the ones from teachers I had had class with for two years.
Next topic.
I like cheer. It's been a very bumpy ride with all our letdowns and such, but it really does feel good to be part of a team. Sure, I was considered part of the swim team the past two years in diving, but I never talked to or hung out with any of the swimmers. It's much different with the cheerleaders. I am really pleased to have a team for once in my life.
School is up and down, as usual. I do the work that needs to be finished, but that's about it. All the procrastination brings one of those weeks where you have to just sit down, shut up, and work, work, work. I uhh... I think I decided to go through that week some other time, haha. Semester exams are this week, and I hope I can pull my ass out of the fire and get some A's. That'd be nice. If you read this, it would be much appreciated if you would talk to me every once in awhile and make sure I'm on track with my work. I can't juggle forever. I need to learn.
Well, that summarizes my life as of right now. Eat, sleep, school, cheer, repeat. When necessary, replace eating with something more productive.
Now for the personal input...
I had to go to the bank today and deposit money in my mom's account. While I was there, I couldn't help but notice the decorations. But why? Then it hit me - Valentine's Day is in less than a month.
Oh fuck.
I need to do something about finding a girl. There's one girl that I'm interested in who I talk to more than anybody else. She's a sophomore - when I finally looked around this year, I realized that as long as you're in high school, there really aren't age boundaries between people anymore... Getting off subject... Anyway, she's pretty cool, and seems to have some of the same interests that I have. Now it's just a matter of mustering up the ambition to do something about the things I feel.
Man, I wish I had more time to do these. They really help me organize my thoughts and feelings. If you don't hear from me for another three months, I'm sorry, but I'll try to get back.
New closing:
Actions speak louder than words, so act now.
Vaniah Schwenoha
